The practical upshot…

…of listening to “Lose Control” by Kish Mauve is

1. I will Lose Control and purchase the 8-minute version on iTunes

2. I will Lose Control and play this song in a continuous loop in my car at illegal volume-levels till my car stereo has to intervene and beg me to stop.

3. I will Lose Control of my finances and finally acquire a Bose SoundDock for my iPhone. ONLY for this song. Not even “Tere Naina” by Shankar/Ehsaan/Loy could force me to buy those nice Sennheiser headphones the trio were plugging.

4. I will Lose Control of my sanity and attempt to contact the creators of Shazam who have single-handedly exposed me to some of the best music of this generation – ironically playing in malls.

Here is the track. (For best results in Losing Control listen only with Bose or Sennheiser headphones).

PS – Only the Fred Falke remix.

Online Booth Capturing…

…comes of age.

Check out www.increasetwitfollowers.info

(For the literally minded – This is in NO WAY an endorsement. I do NOT condone this sort of stuff)

10,000 followers only cost you 450$. They also attempt to be credible by using words like “targeting” which is a fancy way of saying “we’ll find exactly the kind of people who would LURVE to listen to you holding forth on picking noses and sitting on patios”.

What would be the motivation for someone to try this? I hope all those Tweeters of the Year awards take this sort of crap into account. It would be traumatizing to learn that Shashi Tharoor paid for all that fandom wouldn’t it? J/K. He didn’t have to pay me.

Or do I ask for a check?

Clearly, Tweet cannot afford to be a lonely man.

The small pleasures…

…of living in a developed economy.

Exhibit 1

Innocuous strip of Azithromycin. But wait…

Exhibit 2

Cool! Don’t miss the word “Peel” written in circles around the edges of the tablets.

Exhibit 3

Isn’t that something?

But why much ado over Azithromycin? Exactly because this pack is much ado about Azithromycin! Back home the chemist throws a couple of strips on your face and will ask you to eat before ingesting if he’s considerate.

This 21st century contraption came with its own booklet informing me of the chemical composition, risks, emergency numbers and my horoscope.

Clearly, self-medication is not recommended.

Country Roads…

….didn’t take me home. A combination of Boeing 777s and Dad’s car got us, struggling and psychotic, to Pune. Props to British Airways – the flights were comfortable but I’m sure there is a UN resolution banning 12-hour layovers at Heathrow. Anyway, we survived all that and got home OK. The beauty of such journeys is that only the pleasant parts stay with you. In this case the most pleasant part was reaching home and collapsing on the bed, and that’s all I remember.

The next few days were a whirlwind as I flew to Delhi for a client visit. Jaw-dropping ensued. I had never seen WNS’ offices since the takeover. Used to much hole-in-the-wall startup infrastructure I was 6th-floored as I made my way through the Gurgaon facility.

It was wonderful meeting Harsh and Yasha. Stayed over at their place despite my company’s fervent efforts to secure me a last-minute hotel room. I mean, how can ANYONE turn down an entertaining evening in Jat-land with two fun friends? Not to mention scotch and good conversation back home. Harsh, Yasha and I go way back to 2005 and the Colgate pad in Mumbai. Management Trainee brothers for life.

Then it was off to Mumbai to “attend” the wedding of our very very dear friend Reenaa. We were assured that all wedding thingamamies will commence after 6pm everyday so we were free to get out and meet other friends in the morning. They neglected to mention

a. it was a Punjoo wedding, so
b. everyone sleeps at 6am.

That said, the wedding was total dhamaal. Had tons of fun. I can’t wait to get my hands on the flashing-light specs Reenaa’s brother showed off during the Sangeet. Vintage Mithun-da!

When we got back to Pune the usual meeting-strangers-who-happen-to-be-relatives ensued. It’s a little like the waiting room couch at a doctor’s office. Numerous random people sit, wiggle, make contact and leave, never to be seen again. I was glad to put all that behind me as soon as I could. No disrespect meant, but c’mon. No? Ermm…Ok Ok…it was great meeting them all. Happy?

The real fun parts were all about meeting old friends. The first old friend was Malakka Spice in Koregaon Park. It is our “special little place”. Wifey and I have been haunting it since our dating days way back in 1999. The guy who served us then was still around doing his thang. Of course, the place has become ginormous. We met Sandhu, Aparna and their delightful newborn son at MS and Sandhu was of the opinion that the quality of the food had dropped. Thankfully, I didn’t notice any of that as we tucked into our near-constant order of Phad Thai, Thai Chilli Rice and Green Pepper Chicken topping it with pitchers of Tiger Beer. Just one small step away from actually sitting in Singapore, KL or BKK. Yeah, it’s that good.

Then we organized a Barbeque on Christmas Eve. I’m not embarassed to admit to my American friends on Facebook that it was my first solo flight. I’m not embarassed because it was a gosh darned success! BBQ in India is none of the fancy gas or quick-ignite coal business of the States. Wifey marinated some killer chicken, fish and mutton-mince accompanied by a delicious Sangria. Did I mention wifey is an awesome cook? My sis-in-law had just arrived from London and immediately made her way to Pune to be with us for a day. She’s so much fun that wifey worries when we get together. It’s all antisocial madness.

Speaking of good friends it was great meeting Conny and Sumeet, whom we’d shacked up with in Munich last July. Christmas means a lot to Conny, so she was the guest of honor at the BBQ and we even made her cut the traditional Christmas cake. I hope she enjoyed the experience!

I met my MBA-mate Mayank and wife who were in Pune for a wedding. There is a telling picture of the two of us with our kids. Just 5 short years ago we were cramming for exams – happily ensconced on the top floor of a sea-facing Marine Drive hostel. The location of our hostel made it difficult to get any studies done during the term so cramming was essential on the day of the exams. But seriously, we’d both come a very very long way since then.

We also made a trip to Sula Vineyards near Nashik. I’ll save the story of the 12-hour journey for another day. In keeping with the theme of “pleasant memories” let me say the four hours at Sula were breathtaking. We got a tour of the vineyard, a crash course in types of wines and how to taste them. We’d also attended the Pune Wine Festival a few days before and I must mention the EXCELLENT write-up on wines they provided all the guests. Loved it. No pretentiousness, very accessible and taught the basics. Sula had a tasting session of 6 wines, which, not surprisingly were their very worst. Still, in a way the tasting helped us choose the right wines. Anything but those 6! We made our way back with a criminal amount of wine clanking away to glory in the boot because of the substandard road connecting Pune and Nashik.

New Years was a very enjoyable evening. Wifey’s colleague Kuljeet dropped in with her hubby Amit and their adorable newborn daughter. And then the fun brigade landed up around midnight. Shonali, Anurag and Shikha. Man, those guys know how to party! We made short work of almost all the wine we got from Sula and we were rolling around the house in complete inebriated happiness. Let’s do this again guys! This time in ATL!

The new-year itinerary involved a trip to namma Bengaluru. I was looking forward to it. I love that city, and it didn’t disappoint. We camped near the new WNS office and again much jaw-dropping ensued. The place was a palace! It was so cool meeting all my office colleagues.

I think the highlight of our Bangalore trip was the sublime day-long tour of the provinces with Pradeep and Sarika. We’d always hung out with this very very intelligent and fun couple when we stayed in Bangalore and what started out as a breakfast meeting quickly degenerated into a joyride across Bangalore to their new house. There Pradeep plied me with some heaven-churningly good tequila. I don’t know what the plural for tequila is so I’ll say Tequilas. Three types. Two large shots each. By the time we sampled the first bottle Pradeep had unsuccessfully embarked on an elaborate explanation of the antecedents of the tequila and differences in color compared to the other two. Blaaaaarbrseadhlwkejkalw. Eventually he realized we both were past caring. Let the good times roll, I say. By the time our wives got back home, we were a menace to society. It was a glorious evening of anecdotes, much bitching (wifey’s right, men bitch much more than women. There should be a word for man-bitchin. Woofed. Yeah, we woofed.) and recounting all the insane fun we’ve had. Pradeep-ji piled it on with Ardmore and as the single-malt comfortably settled into my veins, I knew there was no going back to the hotel that night. A fitting end to the Bangalore trip.

On our way back to catch the flight to ATL we stopped by sis-in-law’s restaurant at the Oberoi, Mumbai. It was surreal watching her in control of so many people, commanding them, ensuring everything went off smoothly. I mean, I’ve known her since she was 13! Dayum, I’m old.

We stopped by my paternal uncle’s place and met my grandma and kaku. They allowed us to regain sanity before the flight and packed us full of savory treats. Pity I missed meeting my uncle who was traveling on business.

The only thing I remember after that is paying the cabbie in Atlanta and carting our bags up to our warm, cosy home. And collapsing on the bed.

Till next year peeps! Stay sane.

Google autosuggest…

…could be an amazing service to the MR community. Its ability to rummage through the detritus of everyday searches and compile the most relevant strings is quite cool.

How about wanting to understand the most common actual or perceived traits of a country’s people?

Try this -

Go to Google

Type in: Why are

Then enter a nationality of interest. Sit back and enjoy.

Imagine the number of people wondering the following about Indians:

why are Indians so smart

so ugly

so cheap

so obsessed with fairness.

And this is just google.co.in. I can’t wait to peruse results when I get back to Atlanta and access google.com.

No wonder these autosuggests make regular appearances on EpicFail.

Happy stereotyping everyone!

I love Intel but…

…do they realize these ads aren’t doing any favors for their social lives?

Rocket Singh…

…should be in jail. That, at least, is my assessment.

[Spoiler Alert]

Saw the movie last night and liked Ranbir Kapoor. The guy has talent and is earnest. Blah Blah. So we like him.

But the story? A newbie, all ethical and hopeful, refuses to bribe a client, files a complaint, ruins a client relationship and earns the wrath of his boss. Boss runs him down in public and Mr Rocket pledges perseverance and predicts the victory of hard-work and righteousness.

And how does he achieve all this? By covertly launching a new company and diverting business with stolen phone numbers and equipment. He cultivates disgruntled employees and persuades them to become “partners” in his new venture. No employees, only partners. Cornfest.
They differentiate themselves from the competition through a 24-hour service offering and customer-centric focus, which, you guessed it, are his current employer’s shortcomings.

When the vindictive boss finds out, one would assume he would throw the full weight of the Indian Penal Code on their renegade heads. But no – he buys off the “Rocket” brand and predictably cannot sustain the work ethic of its original owners. And so the story meanders towards its customary happy ending.

Honesty as a theme is touched upon very briefly in the form of the disapproving Rocket Dad who can’t believe the kind of trouble his son has gotten into. That thread is truncated abruptly with Rocket Singh admonishing his father for not teaching him dishonesty as a youngster. WTF?

And so I enjoyed the performances but struggled to relate to the plot. What Rocket and Co did was to betray trust – an employer’s offer of employment – and use it to create a base of business which then grew thanks to their service. And the justification? Rocket only tapped lapsed clients and was going to “pay back” all expenses related to phones, transportation, etc, anyway.

Colossal BS.

As the ad goes: phone calls 25,000 Rs, Using company vehicles to transport your equipment 1,50,000 Rs, using your workstation to build a rival company 2,50,000 Rs.

The trust you betray – priceless.

Aviation disasters…

…in the news recently.

Delta Airlines lands a Boeing 767 incoming from Brazil on the taxiway at Atlanta’s Hartsfield Jackson instead of the runway. No planes on the taxiway at the time, so no casualties thankfully. Also the taxiways in the US are as wide as some of the runways in India, so no casualties thankfully.

The crew had 10ft of visibility and couldn’t see the lights. Seriously? With all those avionics that could light up Mumbai sitting in the cockpit? WTF?

Then two Northwest Airlines (a Delta company now) pilots decided to concentrate harder on their ongoing “heated” discussion and neglected to notice their final destination – Minneapolis – whiz past till they were 150 miles off course. Also, the Air Traffic Control couldn’t get in touch with them because of their dedication to the argument on hand. Seriously? And the FAA are investigating pilot fatigue? If I’m tired I’ll sleep, not argue! WTF?

And finally WSJ predicts that “Amelia” will disappear without a trace, just like the charismatic aviator on whom the movie is based.

Shudder.

We covet…

…what we see everyday, opined Dr. Lecter to Agent Starling.

Global Imports haven’t made mental peace any easier for me by existing in the physical form of a block-large BMW showroom behind my house.

The shark-finned beauties glide by everyday, tempting me, threatening my financial stability.

What do I do?

A good friend…

…has taken exception to my comments about Lewis Hamilton and he has expressed disagreement on his blog. But I humbly suggest and refute.

My original comment:

The deal is there is NO big deal about Hamilton. He benefits and loses just like the rest of them… He does not in any shape, form or spirit embody any kind of genius, excellence, or commitment. He is NOT in the league of a Schumacher or a Senna.

Which is why we don’t make a big deal about Kimi or Massa. The TEAM is core and has always been since F1 started… We totally biased FERRARI fans take exception to the deification of a driver who is not exceptional unlike previous Ferrari alumni.

I shall further clarify this, by no means scholastic, but rather off-the-cuff remark aimed at closure.

- “We” refers to the Tifosi, like me.

- “Ferrari alumni” = Michael. Poetic license please.

- The “TEAM” being referred to is only Ferrari. Given that no other marquee has any comparable worth of note to begin with, I certainly am not implying that a Minardi is more loved than the Webber or Alonso who first drove its middling, mediocre cars to greater glory. So, Ferrari as a team is core to the Tifosi and not its drivers. There have been notable exceptions – like Michael Schumacher and I (and might I venture, the Tifosi) swear by him because he came in at a time when – as my friend rightly points out – Ferrari hadn’t won a title in 21 years, and restored glory to the name with 5 consecutive gold medals. He also nearly annihilated the concept of a championship in 2002, which our young Lewis is yet to do. Sadly, however, this is not enough for Schumi to gain acceptance in the book of genius. Let’s agree to disagree on that.

- Another question asked of me was whether I would’ve supported Ferrari had Schumacher left to join another team. Well, yes.

- Also, apparently Schumacher was not a genius because Hakkinen would get the better of him occasionally. By that logic Senna was a pretty ordinary bloke too because Prost and Mansell would occasionally get the better of him!

- Lewis winning races on streets, on circuits, in the wet, outperforming teammates etc? Well, most top drivers in any season do that. I’m deliberately being generic. And really, is Lewis’ mindless last-lap Monza crash being touted as proof of  his determination? I would get him a CAT-scan.

- I was surprised to read statistics of McLaren vs Ferrari. When did I ever imply that Ferrari’s brand name had anything to do with its wins vs any other team? (We have won more races than McLaren, though). The fact remains, any F1 aspirant, incumbent or veteran will throw himself prostrate to get a call from Maranello. Who cared about Heikki-who partnering Lewis this season? Everyone went bananas about Luca Badoer – he’s been a test driver since birth for God’s sake! And now Fisichella – the perennial hopeful. How many media mentions?

- Nowhere is credit being denied to the British wunderkind. Youngest champion, determined, once dated Nicole Scherzinger, etc. Rah-rah. Jokes apart, I do consider him one of the better drivers I have seen in recent times. But not THE best. Please do not do Michael Schumacher OR Ayrton Senna the disservice of comparison. Michael came in to a struggling team, turned it around and stayed loyal. And all this while actively exercising his hunger for winning. And honestly, no one is good enough to repeat a 2002 season again and again. Eventually you have to make way for younger, fitter drivers and that’s what Michael did. When he left did I change my loyalties towards the next genius on the block? No.

Tifosi for life.

Ayrton Senna? Nuff sed.

Lewis is yet to reach those pinnacles of excellence or loyalty.

In conclusion, my friend has his opinion and I have mine. But “genius” is a definition that doesn’t require conjecture and I maintain that Lewis Hamilton has a long way to go before even being considered in the vicinity of that word.

Go ahead and support him. Time will tell if he deserves it.

Me? I don’t care one way or another what he does as long as it is not at Ferrari.