IT WASN’T HIM!
Like, fucking seriously guys?
As if a series of bomb blasts wasn’t bad enough you blame inter-departmental rivalry for your fuck-ups? Of course the police has a tough task ensuring that authors don’t write, read or Skype, politicians don’t get assaulted by stray footwear or that errant two-wheeler stays the hell out of Bhausaheb’s convoy as it clogs up arterial roads in the city, ensuring thousands of people get to work late, thus losing out on twice as many hours of productivity resulting in lost taxes, leading to a lighter pocket for the politician. (Come ON! It’s harming YOU, my precious elected representative!) Protecting citizens not inhabiting political office isn’t a big priority.
It’s alright when two police teams have a difference of opinion but present a united front. It’s humiliation when a police team publicly accuses the other of NOT HAVING CAUGHT THE RIGHT TERRORIST! Worse, they accuse each other of LETTING THE RIGHT ONES GO!
Tch, come on guys. Don’t fight. They’ll be back with a few more Activas loaded with their choicest Kablooey and we can all participate in this farce again.
Here’s a crazy idea.
ALL INDIAN CITIZENS SHOULD BEAR ARMS. THERE ARE SO FEW POLICEMEN AND SO MANY OF US! IT IS OUR MORAL OBLIGATION TO PROTECT THEM!
Here’s a crazier idea. Why don’t these “rival” police teams challenge each other to a dance-off instead of pretending to apprehend terrorists? They might as well leave these hapless extremists who have merely ensured that a few hundred people are missing innards and a physical existence, out of their personal beef and stand proudly in abandoned warehouses with boomboxes on their shoulders yelling COME AT ME, BRO!
I’ve also written lyrics to the dance-off song. These are to be sung to the the tune of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me”
(Mumbai police begins)
These dilliwalas are claiming
I was fibbing on the press-room floor;
Could’ve sworn the fellow we caught
Sounded like a terrorist-whore
I’m sure they forgot that they were
Screwing up their own chase
How can they accuse us of
Not knowing our suspect’s face?
I’m sure we saw him in Darbhanga
(Delhi police responds) IT WASN’T HIM!
But we caught him on camera
IT WASN’T HIM!
We’re sure he scoped Zaveri Bazar
IT WASN’T HIM!
He sent emails to Yasin Bhatkal
IT WASN’T HIM!
Ai shapath he was at Dadar
IT WASN’T HIM!
He had a rusty scooter key too
IT WASN’T HIM!
You Dally boyz are mistaken
IT WASN’T HIM!
Tchyamaila tumcha doka phirlaye
IT WASN’T HIM!
Bah.
Weigh ins