I hate Jenson Button

I will now proceed to flame Jenson Button of “Look-ma-no-talent” fame. I do not feel the need to throw numbers to substantiate my rant for two reasons. One, I work with numbers all day and need a break. Two, “liking” a sportsman is much more than just statistics. There is the personality, vibe, demeanor, respect from peers and other weighty considerations. No matter now many more single-over 36 runs Yuvraj Singh clobbers, he’ll still be considered a belligerent spoiled little sulking Jat playboy.

Same thing.

Where was I? Yes Jenson Button. Similar to intoning religious preambles before any important endeavor, I will say

JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER

He doesn’t have the natural, raw talent that defines a true champion. Eg, Schumi, Alonso, Lewis (yes, my close friends who will read this…even Lewis). Let me clarify what I mean by natural and raw.

-That feeling of “hit-first-ask-later” when challenged on a school playground
-Studying harder and also plotting the demise of your friend because he scored more than you on last week’s unit test
-Cultivating just enough ego to exceed self-respect but not enough to cloud judgment
-(Cliche-time): Killer instinct

So OK, he’s one of 24 drivers in the world who get to race super-advanced machinery at mind-numbing speeds. But compared to his peers this idiot can at best be classified as a “plodder”. The occasional podium finish, the odd top 5 qualifying result and even a pole position or two. At least that’s how it was till last year when the Brawn team happened along with a lot of other things. FIA in their hurry to “cost-cut” and “excite” the sport at the same time introduced a slew of retarded and contradicting changes that added to immense confusion regarding technical specifications and rules on track. Brawn happened to develop a rear-diffuser system that was miles ahead in performance but skirted the border of legality. Other teams challenged this and the FIA took MONTHS to resolve the situation. It was of no consequence to them that an alleged violation of specs was still under investigation four races into the season! And so,maybe for the first time in F1, we had two classes of cars competing on track at the same time. That is not F1 in my book.

The FIA ruled in favor of Brawn and by then Jenson and Brawn had built up an unbelievable lead and continued to extend this unfair advantage till the seventh race of the season, the Turkish GP, while the other teams scrambled to redesign their cars.

He didn’t win even one of the remaining ten races.

In fact, it was hilarious watching him use the straight-line speed of the Brawn to qualify in the top ten and then plod his way through the race trying hard just to hold position and not make mistakes. In fact, he was desperately trying to prevent the systematic whittling of his points tally by the immensely talented Sebastien Vettel and Lewis Hamilton. If it hadn’t become an all-way orgy in the second half of the season, Button would’ve almost certainly lost the championship. Maybe even to his teammate – the Grand Old Man of Formula 1, Barrichello.

The desperation and pressure to live-up to the “World Champion” tag was so horribly apparent in his pit-car radio conversations when he’d frequently crib about the gears, handling, fuel, birds in the sky, his full bladder but never his lack of talent. Nor did he ever publicly thank God and Lady Luck for plucking him out of mediocrity and putting him in the midst of a world he so badly craved but never fully understood or deserved.

Button fans will counter – he still won the Championship and a place in history. That’s fine. I may be just another ranter, but proof of his mediocrity was furnished by Ross Brawn, the Brawn Team-Prinicpal, when he refused to increase Button’s salary for 2010. He had no problems retaining Jenson (now why would you want to publicly clarify your stand if he’s a World Champion), but there would be no salary hike forthcoming.

Button felt hard done by. Heh. I’d see the writing on the wall when one of Formula One’s most brilliant strategists (and his team-owner) hands down such an indictment.

McLaren, staying true to their ability to commit horrid blunders signed him on for 2010. With Lewis Hamilton. If ever there was a pairing of World Champions that highlighted the chalk-and-cheese nature of these things, this was it.

Four races into 2010 and Jenson Button has won two by doing absolutely NOTHING except not making mistakes on track (not too much to expect from an F1 driver anyway) and being aided by that great spoiler of races: rain. I felt really bad for Lewis Hamilton because he has the talent to bury Jenson and has had to play catchup instead. Jenson has found himself in the lead with serendipitous pit-calls, which have never worked out for Lewis. Jenson has frequently faded into the background driving his own plodding race, waiting for others to make mistakes and for rain to lend the occasional helping hand while Lewis has blazed past championship contenders with consummate ease and is still missing a win. If I had to spend 800 dollars on an F1 weekend, it would only be to watch Lewis and Alonso. I don’t care if Button wins.

Show me an overtaking maneouvre you undeserving bastard!

And stop strutting around with that desperate “I’m-a-winner-too” look.

JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER

Chant with me.

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2 responses to “I hate Jenson Button”

  1. daddysan says :

    You said it my friend. No cojones for wheel to wheel racing.

    Vettel however has done it on a few occasions but the poor chap gets slammed by his car!

  2. Guninder says :

    (Chanting in the Background)
    JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER
    JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER
    JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER
    JENSON BUTTON IS A WANKER

    If Button is leading the race, people would rather focus on 2nd, 3rd, 4th position finishers than even look at him…

    I dont he has the balls to get into wheel-2-wheel racing like Alonso, Massa, Lewis, Kubica and some of the other guys… Vettel too has to prove himself on that front…

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