DaddySan News Network: FruitLogo Sues Second-Grader

Pucertino, Falicornia: In a case that could have significant ramifications on the country’s primary school method of instruction, FruitLogo sued second-grader Jeremy Rollins for aspiring to copy the concept of mobile telephony. The alleged breach came to light when Jeremy submitted his essay assignment – “What I Want To Be When I Grow Up”- to his teacher Ms Beaman last Monday. Ms Beaman immediately informed FruitLogo representatives after reading the essay.

The essay contains statements that could be construed as intent to compete with FruitLogo. The incriminating part of the one-page document is the following excerpt (not modified in any way except to correct the mirror-image “N”s and “b”s)

I love Mommys ring ring. It is nice and has lots of shiny buttons. I talk to nana and daddy and all my frends [sic]. When I grow up I want to make many ring rings just like mommys ring ring.

Darlene Rollins, Jeremy’s mother was devastated at this development. “I knew he liked my ayePhone and wanted to write about it. I knew it was not legal but I thought it was safe. I even helped him write it. I thought he’d get a star!” she said, holding back tears. “He’s just a little boy!” she implored. Jeremy’s parents have been in constant touch with FruitLogo’s legal department since Monday in an attempt to stave off a painful and expensive litigation, which they will most likely lose.

Unmoved by the parents’ pleas, company spokesperson George Orwell stated that FruitLogo will move to prosecute Jeremy to the fullest extent of the law. “It is very important for us to set a precedent early in a child’s life. They should know that harboring such ambitions is detrimental to themselves, society and most importantly, FruitLogo.”

Legal experts we spoke to indicated that the best out-of-court settlement option for the parents was to submit Jeremy to a 60 hour session of “Ambition Management” where he will be exposed to other vocations that do not compete with FruitLogo, mostly involving an Amish existence.

Ms Beaman, Jeremy’s teacher, was proud of the role she had played in ensuring the perpetuity of FruitLogo’s monopoly. However she did voice a personal plea for leniency owing to Jeremy’s young age. “He’s a good boy. Tends to let his imagination run wild but I think FruitLogo should go easy. He’s young, he’ll learn.”

The state education department is reviewing the practice of essays and is currently drawing up a guideline for teachers involving sensitive topics.

Jeremy Rollins was unavailable for comment due to snack period at school.

Related, here.

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6 responses to “DaddySan News Network: FruitLogo Sues Second-Grader”

  1. Amit says :

    Ha ha. Awesome!

  2. Anirudh Patil says :

    Haha! Took me some time, but once you get it this is hilarious.. “Company spokesperson George Orwell”.. Nice.

  3. Dibyojyoti says :

    Ha ha! Awesome post.

    I am still confused as to which side you are actually rooting for. Is it Apple (you just dissed Samsung, calling it a second-grader), or Samsung (indicating that Apple’s lawsuit is over-the-top tomfoolery)?!

    Fabulous piece though, considering that this is your first attempt at such sly writing!

    • daddysan says :

      Thanks Dibyojyoti, yes the post is a comment on Apple’s over-the-top turf protection. I think they are paranoid about competition and Android has them scared.

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