The Subjugation Capital

Having pontificated for two days over the tornado of protests that have hit Delhi, I found time to contemplate if I *really* knew what they were protesting about. So I asked someone who has lived there and experienced the alternating splendor and horror of Delhi; my wife. This is what she had to say.

I love Delhi, the city. I love its wide, open roads, its wonderful architecture. I’ve made great friends in Delhi. I went to a wonderful school in Delhi. I’ve also suffered in Delhi. I’m one of millions of women with tales to tell of how Delhi has ground our self-respect and security to dust. General descriptions of harassment can’t adequately describe the horror a woman faces every day in the city. There isn’t a single moment when you’re walking its streets that you can think “I’m safe, I can breathe easy and enjoy the sunshine. What a lovely day!” If you have breasts, you’re fair game. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, how old you are, you can be a man’s property. You can be used for his gratification. You can be dominated.

I don’t want to recount the hundreds of times I’ve been groped in crowds in Delhi. Hands moving over you, pinching your bottom, rubbing your breasts as you desperately try to find some inch of ground that will be safe. Women routinely carry sharp objects like needles and drawing instruments to dissuade such attacks but there are too many incidents to deal with.

Once, while attending a wedding in Delhi, I was at a friend’s place and was about to leave for the venue. I called the bride’s mom to tell her I’ll walk down to the venue and I heard an unmistakable sense of terror creep into her voice. She dropped the bonhomie and almost shouted at me to stay where I was. She would send a car. I laughed and told her that she was being ridiculous. Her response was that of anger. “Stay where you are. DON’T MOVE! I’m sending a car. DO NOT walk alone, especially all dressed up. There’s no telling what might happen.” The venue was two blocks away in Southex, a very posh part of Delhi. It was five thirty in the evening and it was broad daylight.

I accompanied my friend’s relatives to a function at Pragati Maidan. With us was her 70 year-old grandmother. The lady was a widow, dressed in the characteristic white sari. She hobbled on a walking stick. The ground was crowded and dusty. As we made our way through the crowd, a young adolescent boy shoved his hand between her legs. He felt up a seventy year old woman hobbling on a walking stick. We were unable to reconcile this incident with any semblance of logic or sense. Why did this happen? Just. It was a female with female parts, which of course are the property of every human in Delhi blessed with a penis.

As a student in Delhi, I’d attend tuitions literally across the road from where we stayed. The proprietor was a burly man with a shy fourteen year old son. Every evening, after classes dispersed, it was that young boy’s job to make sure we girls safely crossed the street. That’s all. He’d just stand outside the gate and make sure we crossed a distance of fifty feet safely. He wasn’t worried about us being hit by cars. He was making sure we didn’t get molested. If a mob of men had shown up, the poor boy wouldn’t stand a chance. And yet, he’d be there every evening, standing alert and looking responsible for us.

If you think misogyny and sexism are the refuge of the rich and powerful alone, think again. As I sat in a car in Delhi, a beggar came up to my window, begging for alms. A pathetic creature shod in tatters. He saw that I was a woman and suddenly his demeanor changed. His face lit up in an evil sneer and he started flicking his tongue in and out. I was so stunned I laughed. Here’s this pathetic creature with no food or clothes to sustain him but so desperate was his sexual need and so fearless his demeanor that it trumped all else. A woman can be fucked. Should be fucked. Oh, and can I also have some money for food?

Delhi’s sexist culture is a festering cesspool that permeates its families. A friend of mine lived in a joint family in a palatial house. Rich, educated folk. I remember we were nine year old girls, hanging out at her house, playing with Barbie dolls. Her younger male cousins barged in and started creating a ruckus. We shooed them away, treating them as a nuisance but they had a stunning response up their sleeve. These boys brought their GI Joe figurines and said “hum tumhare Barbies ka rape karenge”. We were stunned. These were six or seven year old boys. They probably didn’t even know what rape was. They didn’t even know how it was done. But they knew it can be used to teach women a lesson. They must’ve heard their fathers and uncles talk about putting women in their place. “Zyaada bak bak karegi toh uska rape kar denge.” This is also why I find casual remarks or jokes about rape extremely unfunny.

This dehumanization of being, steady erosion of self-respect, the constant looking over your shoulder no matter where you are, is what makes Delhi such a horrible place for women. There are some well-reasoned arguments why we shouldn’t trivialize the larger issues surrounding rape by laying blame at the doorstep of one city alone, but there’s a reason for this insidious association; it breeds and lives on the fear that power creates. Let’s just call Delhi the capital of subjugation. I also need to mention that I’ve never felt this CONSTANTLY afraid in any other city in India. You can quote examples of rapes in Mumbai, Kolkata, or other cities and you’d have a point. This pathetic patriarchal culture pervades India, but there’s no other place quite like Delhi where patriarchy and power mingle to create a sense of male entitlement.

I saw pictures of these young girls standing their ground getting beaten up, screaming in the cops’ faces. Learned pundits question why. What is the point of this protest anyway? What do they want? It’s a pity they can’t even see this basic point. They want to be treated as humans again. I read about the rape in Delhi and the anger in me has refused to go away. Memories of those years of harassment came flooding back. If you’re a woman in Delhi, you’ve been groped and violated five times a day since you were eight. Since you were too young to even know what breasts are and what they can do to men. My years in Delhi exacted a heavy price from me. I’d instinctively step back when a man entered my personal space. This instinct finally started ebbing away after I moved to Pune. Even there, I’d instantly be on my guard, alert and tense, when a man looked over my shoulder as I worked on the laptop. This was because of Delhi and it took years for it to go away.

When you’d get molested for the first time you’d come back tearfully to tell your mother or the other grown women in your family. “Kya karein beta, aisa hi hota hai”. What can you do, this is how it is. That crushing realization as an eight year old girl that you’re somehow going to have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Groped by the domestic help, groped by the boy who delivers the groceries, groped by your uncle. Never being able to step out unless you have a “man” accompanying you. Men, who deal with the status quo without changing it. Men, who ironically feel a greater sense of entitlement by being the “protectors” of their women. This feeling is what that girl in the protest is screaming against.

I’m still angry when I see those pictures because I haven’t moved on. I’m angrier when I read men lamenting about what ails us. Here’s a reality check: if you’re a man, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You have NO IDEA what it’s like to live a life that doesn’t belong to you. I understand your sympathy but have no use for it.

I’m angrier when I read scholarly articles about civil society, better governance and societal and infrastructural reforms. I read words like five years and “long term” and seethe. Of course one wants to live in a civil society that believes in redemption and the rehabilitation of its worst members but you have no bloody idea what you’re dealing with in Delhi. These are men who operate on an animal instinct. You need a brutal deterrent, employed continuously and consistently in the short term to let them know we mean business. When you’re cornered by a wolf snarling and baring its fangs do you lecture it on the sanctity of life? No, you react. If I could come face to face with these brave men of Delhi who tormented me, I’d shoot them between the eyes. Even today, if a man stares at me a moment longer than necessary I have this visceral urge to rip his eyes out.

So fuck you and your calls for long term change. Don’t waste my time talking about the next five years. Tell me what you’re going to do in the next five hours when your mother, sister or wife leaves the safety of her home and wades into the filthy muck of the city, telling herself that there’s a distinct possibility she may not come home unviolated or even alive.

Edit from Mommysan – Thank you so much for your comments and concern. I want to clarify that not all of the examples of harassment or abuse I mentioned in the post involved me directly. The incidents in the latter half of the post involve people close to me. For example, I know the 8 year old who tearfully complained to her mother about harassment for the first time, because I was present in the room with her. I know someone who’s faced abuse at the hands of family members. The point of this post isn’t to dwell on specific examples alone, but to communicate the extent to which a woman’s liberties are disrespected. It’s to highlight how such horrifying incidents get swept under the sanitized terms “molestation” and “eve-teasing”, which dulls their severity and impairs understanding of the circumstances that enable them. The examples you’ve so courageously shared in the comments will also go a long way in this regard.

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256 responses to “The Subjugation Capital”

  1. CHETAN says :

    I don’t have a word to describe the crime. I have tried to put up some thoughts on how can we curb molestation and rape. Please visit to read those views, may be this can be a very tiny bit towards curbing molestation and rapes

  2. CHETAN says :

    I don’t have a word to describe the crime. I have tried to put up some thoughts on how can we curb molestation and rape. Please visit to read those views, may be this can be a very tiny bit towards curbing molestation and rapes

  3. dissapointed says :

    Came back to this blog looking for some sanity. I was very very unfortunate yesterday to chance upon a stupid blog. It may have been sympathetic but the comments made me sick. I really thank the men who understand and the men who are feminists. If not for you, we would actually feel we were all alone in this struggle. Just wanted to say that. I am blessed that my man understands and supports me. Wishing the same for every last woman on the planet

    The blog whose comments perturbed me :

  4. snowlyjam says :


  5. EsBee says :

    Thank you for giving voice to the thoughts of millions of women. Yes, I am an ex-Delhi woman. Having lived there for 20 years I can concur with every word here. The only thing that will work is strong action- women and men who react and resist, a police force that stands by them, justice that is served fast and correctly, laws that mete the harshest punishment for stripping another of humanity- castration/ hanging.
    No, not every male is a rapist or a molester or even an eve-teaser and Yes, I have many positive male influences in my life so I am not a male-hater.
    But how can we condone the actions of those who tell every female that she doesn’t have even the right to her own body?

    The question to ask is: Are we raising our sons correctly?

  6. Nicolas Hembram says :


  7. Arjun Pandava says :

    Reblogged this on Dharmayudha-Kshetra and commented:
    Too good not to reblog: The Subjugation Capital by Daddysan of Oculus

  8. JustTryingToBeObjective says :

    Once again, I obviously think that rape is a heinous crime. But the problem with the aftermath of such incidents is that it fuels the fire of feminazis. No, I’m not talking about those women who want true equality and unbiased laws. I’m talking about radical feminist,misandrist women who hate men and utilize every opportunity/incident to diss them. Women who think that a single rape (which is digusting by itself) is more heinous than all the wars of the world, every atrocity ever committed and that a woman’s rights are more important than a human’s rights (irrespective of the gender of the human). For example, “All men are perverted animals and should not be allowed out after 10PM” would be a typical feminazi statement. Also, a lot of Indian men are morons. They support women blindly even if the woman is actually at fault.

    I’m all for woman’s rights. I’m also all for men’s rights. Whatever happened to true equality?

    *This doesn’t go out to women who are genuinely unbiased and are fighting for their cause which is admirable.*

    • geri153 says :

      You are cleverly turning the problem away from the real issue here, radical feminism (or feminazi as you so stupidly call it) is a really small matter compared to thousands of years of male domination all around the world and the horror it can create. Rape is often used as a weapon of war and mass destruction so do not try to undermine the gravity of this crime, your point of view makes me sick and i am not a “feminazi” But you are certainly not for woman’s right and equality.

  9. JustTryingToBeObjective says :

    I obviously think that rape is a heinous crime and no one should have to go through such a terrible ordeal and although there should be better policing, better laws and swift and precise delivery of justice to counter the rape menace; I hope the balance of power remains…..well….balanced. *Some* women report false rapes too and in some cases the assailant is wrongly identified. In such cases, I hope the laws don’t become too one sided and (potentially) victimise innocent men.

  10. ghatasinghal says :

    Can completely identify with your rage and anger, being a fellow Delhitie for 25 years now.
    I wrote something about the Delhi gangrape too, and some “supposed men” said that women use rape as a tool to get their means. You will be surprised to read their views in face of the current scenario of the condition of women in the country.

    • sanskriti says :

      in the modern world i mean the
      ”so called modern world is worst than the old age”
      i still remember all the anecdotes told to me by my mother and my grand ma
      where playing(talking etc.) with boys at the age of 14 and 15 was common
      but now wat i experience is at the age of 10 & 11 girls chose to stay at house
      they will love chatting on fb rather than playing
      and i have been trough the same
      because the sense of being a male agenda in a boy turns dem into real animals they feel dey can comment and tease a girl
      dey start fallin in for girl calling it love
      and even if u turn up somewhere with ur brother even ur father
      alll the ill thoughts surround them
      and wat i feel is the superiority agenda in males is wat is causing such a
      ruccuss besides this the mixture of the power and money is also playing a vital role
      sad for the female division

  11. someone says :

    Read your gut wrenching blog . After a long time i felt that pain which i thought had subsided but no that pain still resides somewhere within . It immediately resurfaces when i see the pain of another woman . I was raped by father and then lived with him for 16 years . Could never tell anyone , not even my mother . I lost all faiths in gods did pick up the pieces of my shattered life , i am successful today materially but when i look around i see this culture thriving and spreading its fangs . Incidentally i just puke on this country’s misogynist culture once in a while , what else can we women of this unfortunate country do ?

  12. Ajay Pal Singh says :

    Its powerful, its eyeopener. As if the Delhi incident itself which caused shivers in me and up to some point ashamed of us men species was not enough, here comes this blog. I had started thinking and actually doing my bit to repay in some manner for what we are indebted towards women, this blog makes me resolve to take such steps even more strongly. Right you are, you dont need long term solutions. You need immediate steps. Following is the bit which I have done. And this is the quickest I could do. Sorry for not being able to cut short the delay any further………..

    We have forwarded following note to Justice Verma Commission that has been formed by Government of India to suggest how to make women safe in India. Last date of sending suggestions is January 5th, 2012. Commission will submit its report by end of January. That report will also form the basis of making anti rape law more stringent. If some one has any other suggestions, you may send them directly to the commission or send them to us and we will forward them on your behalf….. Our mal id:

  13. Vandana says :

    As a woman who lived the first 30 years of my life in the strongly patriarchal,high-on-testerone areas of Punjab, western U.P and finally Delhi, I can totally relate to your words. Thank you for articulating myvrage through your words.

  14. chhavi says :

    it is the hard reality which female gender is is not the reality of dehli only -to remind all-its the reality of male dominated every single corner and every single minute this happens,the hype that is created in context to dehli should and must be altered because this needs to be done in every single space not in dehli only…it feels scared and unprotected to go out after what happened with amannat….questions and hampering goes on and on when ever i m out.

  15. Madden says :

    This is so terrible. I am a sexually aggressive male. But I understand that a ‘no’ means no. I have offered a drink to a lot of women. But I have not pestered or made her feel unsafe when she has said no.
    I also tend to stare at women longer than essential. I could not have imagined that provokes such strong reactions. Being a strong proponent of Western culture, I tend to do things that fall just above acceptable in the 1st World. I feel so bad that I may have made many Indian women feel unsafe.

  16. Punit Jain says :

    It’s true that just below the surface, there’s a violence and repression obvious on Delhi streets. It seems that the social fabric has been ripped apart, and whats rare and unusual in other places is common in Delhi. I for one certainly hope that Delhi-íte women demand their freedom back. Its a war, and the freedom can be obtained by hitting back, one slap, one imprisonment and one pepper spray at a time. The change has to kick start with the Delhi Police, as each policeman obviously comes across 20 incidents a day, where he can act to save the situation, or look away.

  17. riteshnep says :

    It gives me chills when just even trying to imagine what women go through. I have myself seen many incidents in front of my eyes. And from what my friends tell me, It is an absolute disaster that the so-called human civilization has gone this far. It would be an absolute insult if I said I have understood it. And even If someone really understood, what is going to stop this daily onslaught on women? Nothing, really.
    Not being a pessimist but that’s the reality. The more we think that centuries have passed and human race has evolved and progressed, it brings a contrasting dark reality where we really stand. We all should be ashamed of ourselves that our mothers and sisters face that in every walk of their lives every day.
    I salute the bravery of every women in this subcontinent and other parts of the world who face this daily calamity alone.

    May Damini’s soul rest in peace in heaven. And God knows how many girls there are really out there!

  18. reader says :

    Know someone who at 11 reactively fought off a porter (coolie) trying to shove a suitcase under the train berth near her and trying his luck while doing so, silently, secretly at Delhi station, while parents standing within two feet .

  19. beena says :

    N, am sharing on fb.

  20. Eleana Winter-Irving says :

    Castrate every rapist. They do not deserve to ever have sex with anyone ever again and cartainly not have children. This should instil fear in anyone contemplating raping anyone, male or female.

    Please read My blog about men and the planet

  21. Mhod.Yusuf.H.Advani. Gadag.India says :

    The majority number of brutual assaults on woman were in UP,those assaults were on poor from remote area and dalits. PUCL has analyzed that 90% of victims were dalits and 85% of Dalit rape victims were underage girls. United Nations Survey of Crime Trends & Operations of Criminal Justice Systems,has given numbers in 2010 sexual assaults on women were more than 23,000 in India per police recorded offences. Double the number of these un- recorded. Rape in India is one of the common crimes against women. Rape cases in India doubled between 1990 & 2008.Our Hon’ble PM and UPA chairperson termed Nirbhaya’s death not go in vain.The ghastly assault and rape of paramedico Nirbhaya’s death produced an avalanche of protest throuhtout the country and stris India’s soul.Our admistrators will forget after their condolences, that’s all, and everybody also forget it till the recurrences of such ghastly attacks next day, which will adorn hot line pages of print and electronic media next day. God save India, HE is also very busy with other chores.

  22. Ravi Sankar says :

    I agree that Delhi has gone from bad to worse in terms of its treatment of women in the public spaces. People have to change their attitude and the

    Police need to step in to protect women and take harsh action against perpetrators of ANY kind of harrassment or teasing of Women.

    In Delhi there seems to be a attitude of “boys will be boys” and worse, some Morons who want to blame women for being out in public, wearing skirts, travelling after dark etc. any such comments need to be refuted or it leads to this sort of Horrendous behaviour.

  23. Donna says :

    The problem with feminist responses to this sort of thing is that they fail to be transcendent. The only possible response to this is to match provocation with provocation, and in so doing, wrest out the true heart of the situation from the tired posturing that always seems to end up going nowhere. Men’s bodies belong to the State, to Mother India or America or whatever country, to be broken and violated in wartime, their spirits shredded into heaps of PTSD and even worse evils, dulce et decorum est. A woman has the right to directly address ANY man, and point out only what is fact, which is, any one of you men are subjects of the State and can be violated this way at any time. Just because you can physically overpower me and beat me into submission at the end of it all, does not mean you aren’t just as compromised.

    Up until now, the chief reason why we haven’t let slip these dogs of war is because women are conditioned not to speak about what they know to be true. They are supposed to absorb their feelings of injustice, or to be persuaded that it is not really wrong, even in a civilized society, for the stronger to prey on the weaker. It is really amazing how casually men and even some women justify this. In the end, the persuasion is that it’s up to women to manfully bear up under injustice. Turn the other cheek, and so on.

    Be careful what you ask for; you may get it.

    Man: you have taken woman, assailed her dignity continually, beaten up on her because you are bigger and you can, raped her because you can, shouted her down in public because you can, and even now you are casually and continually shaping a world where your physical might runs unchecked across her body, because it can. You have made her consider that an honest state of open war would actually be a better thing, where men are consumed with killing each other, and woman is free to at least survive in such a harsh environment on her own terms, not yours, and not the State’s. You are making her unafraid of being raped by the invading enemy because you rape her with such abandon at home. You have backed her into a corner, because you can. You have created such conditions where she would wish fervently with all her heart for total, naked conflict; made her pray for this intercession to nameless older deities than yours; made her take leave of her warm, gentle old life next to home and hearth, and put on the cold dignity snd calculation of a goddess of war.

    When you have finally lost Woman, and turned her into Athena, things for you men will be very grave indeed.

  24. Crankyashley says :

    I’m sorry if this has already been asked (there are almost 200 comments)

    You mention how any male in Delhi is someone to worry about, but you alos mention the boy who watched out for the students crossing the street and needing a male escort. In different circumstances, are those males, the ones who were looking out for you, also people to watch out for? Basically, is there anyone to trust?

  25. Indian Male says :

    I read this article, and I understand the outrage. There is so much hatred in this article and the comments, that all the emotion seems to override reason. People who talk reason are shouted down but I don’t see any practical solutions being offered either. Call me a chauvenistic pig, and I don’t give a damn. For all your screaming, your comments are only revealing the absolute absence of thought.

    Anyway, for me, both these issues are critical to addressing this problem. I am sure it is there in the mind of every right thinking person (specially men) but they are too scared to voice them. Well,not me.

    First, in all this crazy rage, it worries me to think of what solution the Government will come up with. Already, existing laws against rape are pretty strict. The word of a rape victim is accepted at face value. So the man is guilty until proven innocent – Shiney Ahuja’s case?? Now the Govt will make the laws even more stringent. There is no doubt that this will lead to a reduction in rape crimes, but at the same time, lead to an increase in false victimization of men. The motivation for complaints could be anything – avoiding promotions, political vendetta etc. As a man, I would be worried about that. This is exactly what is happening with the current draconian dowry harassment laws. So isn’t anyone worried about swinging to the other extreme? How many innocent men will have to be given the death penalty before we see daylight? Doesn’t that trouble anyone?

    Second, every woman here wants men to understand them, but not a single woman has spoken about understanding men better. It is common knowledge that every man is hungry for sex from the day he hits puberty till the day he dies. Like it or hate it, that’s how nature has designed us. Man woos, woman chooses. That’s Darwin’s theory. All would be fine if it were only this. But in India, the accessibility to sex is extremely minimal for an unmarried male – for cultural reasons. There is no culture of wooing. There is no culture of flirting. Most men cannot strike up a conversation with a lady stranger because he has never been schooled in that way. Hence, in many males, frustration (for a mate) builds up over time to alarming levels. Of course, you could always ask them to go to prostitutes, but most men will not go for it – for whatever reasons.

    Also, no one is acknowledging how difficult it is in our country with an abysmal sex ratio for a man to have sex with an attractive woman (some women are more “attractive” in a sexual sense. You can cry all you want, but that’s life). All of this increases the man’s need for sex. And add to this high society women who walk on roads in mini-skirts and bare backs, its like a starved man seeing a feast laid out in front of him but there is a fence separating him from the feast. So if you want to solve rape, then solve the problem of ready access to quality sex for men. Change culture, change sex ratio.

    Think. Even if you make strict laws, what will the excess 200 million men in this country do without mates (thats about every one in 4 males)? Oh, you don’t give a damn – why would you? You are safe. That’s all that counts, isn’t it?

    There are other reasons for rape, but lets not kid ourselves. The primary driver for rape is the need for sex. Otherwise, men would just hit women and be done with it. Sex is a primal need. Every man has a right to sex. Every woman has a right to security. If one does not exist, the other will not either.

    • Martin says :

      I’m actually not at all sorry to inform you that you have been completely misinformed. There is no right to sex, for either men or women, unless it only involves themselves. Sex, and sexual acts, is something that should only happen between people consenting to it. There is no right. Period.

      Regarding Darwin: the women of Delhi have clearly had enough and they know that not everyplace is like Delhi. They have evolved and they are changing the game. Now it is up to people like yourself either adapt or simply become a evolutionary dead end.

      Your choice.

    • Paul Johnson says :

      “Right to sex”???? What kind of garbage is that? Also, you say that only some women are attractive, and those are the only kind that men can bear to have sex with. Uuuuh, what about all those unattractive men? Do they also deserve the “right to sex” with someone who is attractive, even though they themselves are unattractive? And how does this bizarre “right to sex” balance against a person’s right to bodily integrity?

      Let me guesssss… you don’t have a girlfriend.

    • Chris Miller says :

      If rape is all about men’s need for sex, why the need to also involve violence? Why does rape so often come with assault? Why employ the use of iron bars to tear apart a woman’s internal organs so badly that she goes into multiple organ failure and eventually dies? Sorry, but as a guy who hasn’t had sex in about eight years, I’m calling bullshit. My sexual frustration has never made me feel entitled to women’s bodies, never made me think that a strange woman wearing anything less than full body cover did it because she wanted harassment on the street from people she’s never met, and never made me want to punish anyone for not having sex with me. And if you honestly think rape survivors are taken at their words and men punished for false rape claims on a regular basis, you live in a completely different world than I do. Even the unnamed woman who just died horribly has been the victim of people saying it was her fault because she shouldn’t have gotten on a bus, even though she HAD a male friend with her.

    • Good Gravey says :

      I offer as evidence the very cause of the problem. No further comment or response is really needed. Except maybe this:

      Keep. Your. Fucking. Cock. In. Your. Pants. Or better still, chopped of and in a jar.

    • Sekhmet says :

      You are absolutely disgusting. This reply is like a snapshot of everything that’s evil about patriarchy. “You are safe. That’s all that counts, isn’t it?” Um, YES. You have no “right” to sex, but even if you did, yes, the personal safety of another human being would trump that in a heartbeat. You’re a pig. Worse than that. You’re a rapist, even if you haven’t done the deed yet.

      • Good Gravey says :

        “Even if you haven’t done the deed yet”

        From the sound of the comment, it is a pretty big “if”. Not that he’d ever consider it rape, of course. It’s his right.

        Perhaps what we need to foster here is a little more introspection. For men in particular to take a hard look at themselves.

        “There are other reasons for rape” he says. No. There aren’t. It is all power. You might claim it is about sex, then if so, you would put more effort into being a decent human being. Someone that another human being, with all the same rights and desires as you, will want to have sex with you. So when you rape (and it sure sounds like you have done) you are using your power to take what you want regardless of what anyone else wants, thinks or feels.

        I agree harsher laws probably won’t do much – at least on their own. Change has to happen at a cultural level. India is not alone in this. Rape culture is worldwide. But there are certain places where it is more prevalent.

        And tell me, how attractive are two year old girls when they are raped? Just absolutely disgusting. And as I said, your comment explains the problem precisely, because you ARE the problem.

    • denisediscovers says :

      I’m not surprised that there’s “an abysmal sex ratio” in India. Kind and loving parents would probably think twice about bringing up a daughter in this environment.

    • Valentine Logar says :

      All the Gods help you. You do not have the ‘right to sex’. You have the right to sexual release only if it is self inflicted, that is it. You have the right to masturbation. Women do not owe you sex! Not even if they are you wife do they owe you sex. Are you insane?

      There is only one reason a man rapes. Power and ignorance. It is never about sex. It is never about the need for sex. It is only ever about proving his power and authority. That is the only reason.

      If you want sexual release, buy some baby oil and pornography. That is the only sexual release you have a ‘right’ to.

    • jo says :

      This is a very shocking response. As many have said, rape is not about sex, it is about power and subjugation. It is about showing women their place (and taking what is wanted as a handy byproduct). That you do not know this shows just how huge the problem in Delhi really is. It will take generations to fix this. In the UK most women experience this at some time, yet it is not acceptable here and only a rapist is heard to justify his actions in this way, but not so openly.

    • S Cherian says :

      The primary drive for rape is sex and with “attractive women”? PLEASE!! Then how do you explain groping and abusing of children–whether boy or girl, or as in the article, where an adolescent boy gropes and old grandmother? And ‘right to sex’—what on earth is that?

    • Another Indian male says :

      I don’t think this is an Indian male… If it really is, I’m ashamed.

    • Kath says :

      Yup. You’re a sexist pig. “Right to sex?” Any man who would touch a woman without her express consent rather than use his good right hand on himself is a little spoiled boy, not a man.

  26. Hunii M Gray says :

    Reblogged this on Hunii's Genesis and commented:
    I cried.

  27. Gary Watson says :

    My suggestion for the ladies in Delhi boils down to two words: Krav Maga. Difficult for the man to grope when he has two broken wrists.

    • asdf says :

      Yeah, like learning Krav Maga isn’t painful, doesn’t involve someone beating on oneself, and doesn’t take a long time to learn!!

    • Elinor says :

      Gary, you are attempting to excuse men of any responsibility for their actions by making it women’s responsibility to stop them. You are also suggesting a ‘solution’ that is no solution at all: how do you suggest every single 8 year old girl in Delhi goes about learning Krav Maga?

      • Susan says :

        I do not think he was saying anything of the kind. I’m sure if he had his way, this would not be going on. He offered a solution that, while naturally not perfect, would *empower* women & *punish* rapists. Pointing out the shortcomings of his idea is one thing; reading into it more than he said is another.

    • sundayroasts says :

      Why should the women have to be the ones learning new skills to stop this happening? It’s the men doing it, they are the ones who need to change. Violence begets more violence. Knowing krav maga would not have saved the girl who died from being gang raped by six men.

    • Sean says :

      Yep. Krav Maga will work when 6 men attack you with iron rods in a bus. Or forget the bus and catch a flying pig home instead.

  28. Nicolas Hembram says :

    Thank you a lot.Everyone should read this topic.It proves the difference between Delhi & other states,where morality is concerned.’Kaesa Delhi hai bhaiya,dil to kisi ke pas hai hi nehi’.

    • makawosa says :

      ’Kaesa Delhi hai bhaiya,dil to kisi ke pas hai hi nehi’. Dil to pooray hindustanuin key pass nahin, kuch ko chodekay. The Kashmiri women has been greatest victims of military’s sexual harrasment including rapes.

  29. Jigs says :

    Such kind of Male Chauvinistism will sustain in our society unless Govt makes some strong laws against such kind of pigs!! Domestic violence is also one of the other torture, females in India have to bear with. I am amazed at some ppl saying that men can never change, so women need to change!!! Why??? If Govt approves penile amputations, Men will 200% have 2nd thot before conducting such crime/horrors in any women’s life!!
    OR we women need to fight for our self respect….adopt “Castration” for those Men who have dared to have tried to play with our respect!!
    Our respect is NOT ON SALE or ALWAYS AVAILABLE!!! “Dare with US and We Dare your Castration…..” This is the only way, if our Govt doesn’t make any strong law such as death sentence for such kind of criminals…we women have to take law in our hands, so that our sister, friend, cousin, mother, aunt, sister in law, whoever gets the right to live safely in the so called society!!

  30. DonDeresco says :

    reading these “horror” stories seem to only point to one thing – every girl’s father raped/molested at least one of their friends. Your brother atleast raped the neighbour. The husband definitely participated in a gang rape.
    such is sweeping generalisation in this article that it makes me puke. Given your conviction about sad state of men in Delhi, please consider imprisoning your father, brother and husband. They are guilty before trial – cause if the streets are so full of these men then obviously by odds your man is a part of the rapists prowling the streets. If you think they are not guilty pls stop with these generalisations,
    We have a problem at hand and it needs solutions. Solutions from head and not from heart.
    Ladies and men – please let’s not kill all men or find them guilty because they have a penis..

    • desertrat says :

      Don try reading this with your head and heart and not your penis. You have totally missed the point. This is not an attack on men, but an attack on attitudes and behaviours.
      And if you feel that your dick is under attack, suck it up sweetie. Welcome to a woman’s world.

    • Po says :

      please read the stories again, dear donderesco.

      please also read some statistics about the number of people living in India, and try hard to imagine those many INDIVIDUALS. Also, try and remember that a single person can perform ANY NUMBER of ACTS. Just like you talk more than once and to more than one person in a day/lifetime, you can also grope/rape/abuse and also love more than one person, more than once, in a day/lifetime.

      and if your analysis of the article doesn’t change, try reading it alongside someone who better understands language and human nature. Word by word, basic concepts – one at a time.

      and if it still doesn’t change:

      immediately send out a warning to everyone you know, women and men and all those we refuse to acknowledge out of lack of a suitable label. Tell them that you are part of the problem. That you are simply unable to see beyond yourself, and those you seem so fervently to empathise with, based simply on the IDEA of a penis. SInce you sound like you do want a solution, apologise in advance/too late to all those who have been/ will be/ could be subjugated. I’m sure you agree that apologies are a better resolution than ‘horror stories’.

  31. swati pandey says :

    I kno wat u talkin about as i.m a north indian but born and brought up in mum.i used to visit my native jaunpur wen i ws in puberty.same story.i hate men so much that it makes it difficult to trust my husband.i hate all cities except mumbai and gujrat.

  32. A says :

    People rape because they know they can easily get away with it. There is no fear. Once they molest or eve tease a girl their courage increases and eventually leads to a rape. It is not just Delhi but all over the country that these rapes are happening. They are not just coming into the limelight. The police in those cities just did not make these incidences public. If the judicial system was strong enough and would have punished the suckers when they first eve teased, they would have never thought about rapes. Why people in the US are even scared to cross a red light??? why are they so scared of the cops??? Because they know there is no way to get out of it. Whereas every person men or women know they have workarounds with the judicial system in India!!!!

    • Mr Owen David Godfrey says :

      I don’t know about the US, but here in Australia nobody is scared to cross a red light or scared of the cops, (perhaps a little) its more that we have been brought up to respect the red lights and the cops who bring bring order to our lives and prevent bad things from happening. We know we can run a red light without getting caught, but that isn’t the point; we know we will be despised by every other person around. So too we were brought up to respect women, because the man here who does such a thing will be despised.

      … but we still have problems, we are not perfect. We have rules here that a woman can say “No” at any time, and a man must withdraw his attention, in whatever form it takes, or wind up in jail. It was named the “One Second Rule”. There are men who have gone to jail on this rule too, some unfairly, but on a whole it forced people to think about what they do. So too recently a senior police officer groped a woman on a dance floor. He was brought to court, humiliated, and apologised to everybody. He was found guilty and will probably lose his job. It was a misunderstanding, and he was drunk, but he crossed the line, and there was a price to be paid.

      So I say, if you believe that India is so sick, bring in the big stick and draw the line in the sand; stand up and say “No More”. EVERY single incident must be dealt with harshly by the law for anything to change. People will say “This is too much!”, but quickly they will start thinking “Why did we let it go this far?”.

    • stubbonla says :

      This i agree ….

  33. Abhishek G Bhaya says :

    Delhi has hit the nadir of depravity… at all levels – social, political and above all, moral.

  34. livesinthoughtbubbles says :

    Reblogged this on livesinthoughtbubbles and commented:
    This made me numb. But it’s important to listen to this voice that speaks for millions of women everywhere.

  35. Durga Dingari says :

    I grew up in Hyderabad city. Heard lot of vulgar comments through out my growing up. Yes I too faced that kind of men touching in the crowds when I was just 13 yrs old, when I got married and was getting on the bus with my husband and my little son a man pinched me so hard on my back. I was wearing full churidar and I was so thin. As I natural reaction I reacted immediately I held his shirt and hit him so much and he started saying, ‘kya huva, pagal ho gaye kyaa?” and got down the bus! These are just two examples! I can understand what the author of the article “The Subjugation Capital,” has experienced and feel her what she went through and going through.

  36. Arristottle says :

    The article is wasted in a western society that has made women behave as men and men give up all their male atributes by law so that we can all be consumers, earn a wage and pay money for things we don’t need.
    truthfully, for India to rpogress, the wives of important men need to persuade them to legisalte against this and have the guts to see it out until police will act and things change, a plethera of misguided articles will not do anything except in my opinion create infamy for the author which was the real aim.

    • Mr Owen David Godfrey says :

      I am glad that this piece of misogynistic rhetoric appeared here. This identifies a lot of attitudes that are held by men everywhere, and yet it is sympathetic to the women who have been attacked. I do not mean to attack the author directly, but I wish to examine some of the attitudes that this comment contains.

      1) “made women behave as men and men give up all their male atributes by law”

      Does a “male” have any innate “male attribute” that makes a man better than a woman? Biologically, men are bigger and angrier, but that hardly makes a man better, and in our modern world, where bullies are rightfully despised, it makes men who would bully women lowest of all humans. Even the idea of a “Man who knows how to treat women with respect” is flawed; we are human beings, and our respect for all other human beings should be equal, and gender just has nothing to do with it.

      2) “the wives of important men need to persuade them to legisalte against this and have the guts to see it out”

      To legislate against rape? To legislate against having acid poured on their faces? To legislate against being bashed up for saying “no”? Or how about to legislate against being groped? Why should it need important men to do these things, when important women can see them through with even more determination. Again, these are things that all people need to examine at all levels of society. The changes that need to occur have to occur at all levels of society at once, but the author is correct that the legislators need to lead. The laws are already there, but all the people who are respected must stand up and say “No More” before any changes will begin in earnest. In the last words the author does have it right though; those who the people listen to must have the courage to decide that the country has a sickness and “the guts” to say so and keep saying so until change occurs.

      3) “create infamy for the author which was the real aim”

      I’m not sure what the author really meant to say here, but there is a harsh truth here. There is fear there of change, and where there is fear there will be violence. Those who speak up, especially the women, are prepared for more violence against them before things get better. I stand in awe of this kind of courage.

    • asdf says :

      Why don’t these men raise other males to be GOOD people who don’t rape? Why are you telling women to make males act appropriately?

  37. Lorin Hall says :

    If things don’t change there will be a war between men and women.

  38. MadelineRachel says :

    Reblogged this on the feminist agenda and commented:
    This amazing read tells the story of how it is in New Delhi. You may have seen the protests, watched women and children be blasted by water cannons and battered by police batons and asked yourself, ‘This is all for that one woman raped on a bus?’

    No. This is for all those women and children who live in New Delhi, who face the constant battle explained in this article.

    These protests have arisen from lifetimes worth of misogyny, sexism, violence, sexual assault and the patriarchal dividend.

  39. susannemoore says :

    Reblogged this on Changing Women and commented:
    This is pretty sobering, but worth the read.

  40. Gautam says :

    As a man who’s been brought up in a family with lot of ladies and taught to respect and protect them (and not control), I’ve been actively following up on every incident of rape across India for some time now. The apathy shown by even some common men which again is repeated by the govt is quite appalling.
    On a normal day, I’d read this article and feel for the subject. But today, I’m numb. At knowing that sitting here at the southern tip of India, there’s nothing that I could do to change the mindset of men in Delhi.
    Take CARE

  41. aaron says :

    A great article. Unfortunately, that’s all it is. A great read, thought provoking but well, pretty much everyone praising you will forget this in a few days let alone a few months.

    Here’s where my strong disagreement comes in with all those who protest and write enraged pieces – it’ll do you NO good.

    If writing could change the attitude of men towards women, I would write all day, all night.

    If protesting changed anything, I would lead a protest every single day of my living life. I am, however, a human who prefers the way of action rather than speech and stupid protests.

    As a kid (and NO I’m not a woman) I was shy and weak and I was bullied at school till the age of 10. I tried complaining and nothing changed. I tried being angry, and crying but the bullying continued. No one did anything – neither the school, nor my parents. And that’s when I decided I would do the last thing I dreamt of – fighting back. Yes, I got beaten up, but it sent a strong message across – don’t hurt me, I will fight back.

    So tell me, dear author, what’s better? 100 women protesting at the top of their voice or 100 women going to the gym, learning how to be strong enough to beat the crap out of anybody who pinched them in the public?

    My sister is just 11 and I’ve been taking her to the gym since she was 8 for strength training and Krav Maga – a self-defense system used by the Israeli Army. At this level, she can easily bench press upto 25 kilos (a weight that’ll put a lot of boys her age to shame) and easily break the bones of average 70kg male. All this and she looks pretty much like the tall, skinny kid next door.

    I had two options – either protest and write an angry post about it or make sure that I take a solid step and make a difference.

    No, I cannot assure you that no man will try to misbehave with my sister. I’m practical enough to understand that this mentality has been there for ages and wouldn’t change overnight. But I can assure you that the guy trying to misbehave with her would surely be beaten to a pulp.

    Let me tell you a little secret – men dominate women only because they know they can get away with it. What if you’re as strong as a man? You need not be miss olympia or a body builder to possess strength.

    I urge all women to be strong, physically.

    Till the time our men catch up and finally stop treating women as an object.

    • Leonie Beaulieu says :

      This comment is perpetuating the issue of ‘blame the victim’. Go to the gym? Learn self-defense? Perhaps if the woman lying in a Singapore hospital in critical condition had learned to defend herself, she wouldn’t have been gang-raped on a bus whiling driving through police check-points. This response is an insult to all victims of violence and abuse.
      Protesting won’t help? It was non-violent protests organised by Gandhi that lead to the end of British rule in India, It was the people protesting social inequities who started the French Revolution. It was the people of Egypt uprising in 2011 who ousted President Hosni Mubarak. A simple bus boycott in Alabama in 1956 led to the desegregation of public transit, paving the way for civil rights changes in the United States.
      Aaron, I’m sorry you experienced bullying, but to imagine that your experience is the same as what these women are experiencing as their daily life is naive. And to say that the solution is for women to become physically strong to protect themselves from rape, is to say that women are the problem by not being strong enough, and men have no role in the issue. This is no different than saying women are raped because of how they dress, or because they dare go out without a male escort, or they failed to properly please their abusive partners, or any of the countless other excuses used to justify rape and violence towards women.

      • Ajay says :

        I don’t think Aaron was trying to put the blame on women by telling them to be physically fit. Indian women are probably the most mentally strong breed on Earth. Right from birth she’s at a disadvantage of being a woman. And all the stuff that happens to her which the author so vividly describes in all of its horror. But why not add the physical side to it as well?

        My mom is a beautiful woman of 48 years of age and still comes home with stories of indecency meted out to her by men sometimes double and half her age. I introduced her to my fellow gym instructor who’s a lady and instructs women on self defence techniques. One major difference I find among these women (including my mom now) is the kind of confidence that I see in their eyes that says “Come at me bro, and let’s see what happens.” It’s something I have never seen in my mom who’s been a home maker for all her life. She now has a body language to her that would make any lecherous man trying to act funny with her think twice about what he’s going to do. She now gives valuable lessons to my cousins and other young girls in the family too. I know this is not the issue this article talks about and my comment maybe uncalled for, but I had to share this story of the woman I admire the most in my life and how being physically strong can actually make a difference to your life.

        Men are intimidated by physically assertive women and usually stay away from them, and since we all agree the Indian man is not going to change his ways in the near future, it’s the Indian woman who should step it up and kick his gonads. Cheers!

      • Milly says :

        How do you feel now ??

      • stubbonla says :

        yes that was stupid , a knife or a Gun , or 6 men ??? wow .., where is the girls whatever super powers she learns .. to fight .. or 4 that matter u , even if u r a black belt ??? a gun @ ur hear n u will b raped .. the discussion should of course go 4 a good solution … awareness.. sm

        • stubbonla says :

          Well that was not 4 all Indians , i know a lot of Indians who r literate n kind , my last posting was 4 a few ( they kill the girl child , n get frustrated n rape n torturer the remaining few !! FB ) , who still have unethical beliefs , The India I see now , is yet to see the superlatives of super life styles , i have been travelling years ago , n seen so many south east Asian countries developing, n super developing , forget the west 4 now , , our India was left far behind , only because of ur political system , n its not the politicians 2 blame , Politicians will be Politicians , thats their line of trade , its U the people who r 2 Blame , cause u take bribes , in forms of beer ?? !!! parties n some Rupees n vote them , ( that 2 ur own Tax money , ) then they rule ,n wipe u out clean , if u read The book Animal farm by George Orwell, may b u will understand politics , This rape thing , this sad dead girl , is also a government 2 blame , why stop the Bar dance trade , where this, some ( Few ) crazy North Indian Human thirst can b met @ a price , with the approval of the girl kind ,( i really dont know if they r also forced into it , but i when i read that , they came out 2 fight 4 their cause , so … thats what they wanted … perhaps .. well .. ) the oldest trade of mankind , i dont justify but i agree , Death of n innocent girl 2 wake up the system .. which might not… … i still dont agree … its up 2 u now 2 make it happen .. Safe n secure always … India has a fantastic culture .. politics rapes it first .. n this innocent brave heart girl , dies 2 wake u up… will u ?? in a few day , this will b history , a distant memory … life goes on … sm

    • Tamaresque says :

      I urge all men to be strong, ethically, and not rape or molest women.

    • smudgedkohl says :

      Ah yes. The usual able-ist argument. What about 3 year old girls? What about elderly women? What about women who are differently abled, or live in wheelchairs? What Krav maga are you suggesting they learn? Please STOP urging women to be “strong, physically” – WE ARE ALREADY STRONG. And the LAST thing we need is MORE ONUS on the part of women when it comes to rape.

      • Sunil Bhalla says :

        You said it Lady!
        Can you suggest something that can be done in the short term and then in the long term ?

      • stubbonla says :

        Women , learning 2 fight !!! all muscled up n all … , lose thier femininity , they ( who ever GOD , made them that way ) , its up 2 the men 2 respect them , treat them right , if u r a man @ all … ( of course there is this 2 / 3 % who r not exactly Women n thats the criminal part ..of human nature ) perfect society 2 live in , i dont think so …. awareness , good policing ,n a gr8 government … yes … n may be would stop , or reduce such further incidences..

    • Vikas says :

      Excellent reply

    • KKS - Bangalore says :

      Aaron, with due respect, I disagree (am a Man too). So, a physically strong girl can fight off one? two? three men? What if there are more? Would you then advocate girls to carry guns and assault rifles to defend themselves?

      The point here is, and I completely agree with Leonie, that these men should not be contemplating and attempting rape in the first place. There is no such thing as provocation to rape. Nobody wants to get raped. Period. Men rape because they can get away with it. It is not so much sexual urge to satisfy, than a sense of domination and oppression over a weaker person.

      A strong deterrent, effective immediately, put in place by the state is necessary to at least put a f***ing doubt in these animals’ minds. I also don’t agree with all those that are crying hoarse over harsh punishment to the rapists citing human rights, civil rights, and blah. According to me, a person who rapes voluntarily gives up all these rights, and deserves the severest punishment. And, let us not wait till realization dawns upon men. Let us show them that this is unacceptable. Zero tolerance. Increase conviction rates. Complete investigation and trials in less than 30 days. Show absolutely no leniency to anybody. Then we will see how many of them still take up raping or molesting as a hobby. End of discussion.

      • TychaBrahe says :

        Men do not go from being innocent respecters of women to gang rapers in a single moment. Every one of those males had abused women before. And what if had not been allowed? What if half of them, upon trying it before had been met by a vigorous defense?

        People are not born civilized. They are socialized as they grow up, by being subjected to consequences for their actions.

    • Anamika says :

      I completely agree with you. According to me there are two things, 1. Fight Back, 2.Help other women when they are in similar situation and ask for help. Men or humans in general tend to dominate only weeker or submissive people and not those who fight back..

      • ASHIS CHATTERJEE (@Kriganesha) says :


    • Sunil Bhalla says :

      I’m in full agreement with you. This is the line we must all take.
      It has to start from home , all our loved ones need to be taught to fight back and create a detterent.

    • Eleana Winter-Irving says :

      I am very surprised that you would think that going to a gym would have helped in any way being attacked by 6 strong men. What if the 6 men who attacked and raped that poor university student on the bus all also went to the gym? Haven’t you noticed that men are generally built stronger than women? Obviously not.

      To say that demonstrating peacefully will do no good is a nonsense. Peaceful demonstrations have done good in the past as has been mention here in other posts. What needs to happen is this: men need to discuss the subject between themselves and denigrate men who disrespect women.

      I also advocate castration of all rapists. That will ensure they won’t do it again and put fear into any man considering same.

    • asdf says :

      I’ve had friends who took Krav Maga classes. Their instructors weren’t stopping over-eager stronger males from beating them too hard in class, which meant they were injured and LESS able to protect themselves at home.
      Women shouldn’t have to learn Krav Maga, rather rapists should have to learn they’ll be jailed or killed if they attack people.

    • Martin says :

      This argument is close to “if everyone had a gun there would be no crime”. While I applaud you for raising your sister as a strong individual, please do not belittle people trying to change opinion and mindsets. Though that progress might be slower than you would like, it is the only way to change things for real.

      Hopefully this movement will gain enough momentum to actually change laws and mindsets. And writing about personal experiences is part of it.

    • Good Gravey says :

      Tell me, Aaron, did fighting back stop bullying? Or just YOUR bullying. Your argument is the typical “self” focus that is so much part of the problem, worldwide.

      And yes, you ARE blaming women. Because you are saying “if only you knew self defence and protected yourselves this wouldn’t happen”. And don’t give me the usual bullshit (we have seen this before, you know) about how you are just giving advice. Google the term “mansplaining” and have a read.

      As for writing, yelling, talking…this is how a culture changes. It all starts with raising awareness. The problem is huge. It developed over centuries or even millennia. Every step we take to push it back is a success. Every man we convince to take responsibility upon themselves is a huge win. And every man who goes on to encourage others to do the same – just awesome.

      Writing about this stuff keeps the issue in the front of people’s minds. Because one of the major factors in this culture developing is that it was tolerated, ignored, kept quiet by the patriarchy. Dunno what your vision is like, but if you can’t see the tide turning, you’d better just get out of the way. Change is coming, whether rape-apologists such as you like it or not.

      And you bet we’re angry.

    • Eleana Winter-Irving says :

      Aaron, you did not explain how a woman or young girl can fight off 6 men as happened to this woman. The gym might help with just one man, but what if the one man also goes to the gym? Your comment was of no value and it’s a pity you wrote it, although it shows how men think in spite of what has just happened. Shame on you Aaron. Shallow thinking is mob mentality and that’s exactly the kind of man who rapes. No woman has a chance against 6 strong me and may I add they had iron rods.

      Ok lets see how you fare against 6 strong me with iron rods. Do you want to take up the challenge? Castrate all rapists I say. have you ever raped anyone? Just asking.

    • odgod says :

      I disagree with what Aaron says. However, there is a slightly different angle that I thought I might take an opportunity to address.

      Rape isn’t about sex, its about power and domination. As such, it is a tool often used by men, sometimes even on other men. This is a very low animal thing, and I think sometimes that men don’t even realise that this is why they are doing it. My point is that we have matured enough as a species to move beyond this.

      That said, it is also true that women need to be stronger and refuse to be subjugated. Aaron is right about that; being more assertive and fighting back would have stopped a lot of his bullying. However, this is also not about being individually physically stronger; we are social animals and a woman’s greatest weapon is being socially stronger. That is what is happening in India right now, women are standing up and saying “No, this isn’t good enough”. The water cannons and police (okay I’m stretching here) are the response of a male dominated society trying to retake control and assert its dominance over the women who are rebelling.

      The point is that women in India are fighting back, and they are winning, little by little. They are winning because they are supporting each other and fighting back effectively. Biology favours the individual man against the individual woman, but it does not favour the individual man against society. Change is coming and it is coming quickly, and it is widespread because of articles like this. Even if the people reading this do nothing, the fact that we have read it and talked about it makes the change that little bit stronger worldwide.

  42. shiggs91 says :

    Reblogged this on finding development and commented:
    Incredible read. It’s important for everyone to learn more about this.

  43. Gayathri says :

    powerful and piercing article…..This is what we women want to tell. Stop this bullshit of thinking what can be done in next 5 years, but tell me what you will do in next 5 hours to ensure the safety of women, or do you tell your family women not to go out of the house for the next 5 years till you educate all the men?

  44. Sunil Bhalla says :

    The mail touched the bottom of my heatt.

    • Balraj says :

      I hope all men realise this & start behaving like humans. Cum on everyone gets married. Please respect a women’s will & never force them to do something. You force a women today, your sister gets forced tomorrow by a gang of men. so, plz behave like responsible citizens & your respect in every women’s heart will go automatically.

  45. Ambrish Kochikar says :

    Eloquently stated, extremely raw yet a very powerful message at once. I haven’t learned how to put my anger, resentment and outrage into words anywhere near as effectively. I am going to share this on my facebook page.

  46. Aparna Dheepak says :

    It is indeed a heart wrenching account of the plight of women in Delhi… I have never lived in Delhi, but just visited and I can tell you that the leering and lecherous looks really got to me.

    I come from Chennai and currently living in Bangalore and one other reason why women feel safe especially in Chennai is the public support and outrage when it comes to women safety – I have travelled alone at nights and encountered uncouth characters, but I always knew the public had one eye for me – this always puts my fear to rest and instills fear on perpetrators… Groping is rampant all over, I think – but I think public response and reaction also matters.

    I very strongly feel the feudal set up in which we bring up our kids – both boys and girls should change.. What exactly should we change:

    • Susan Cherian says :

      Yes, it’s the fact that in Chennai a woman could scream and the public would come to her aid, but in Delhi, if a woman even tried to defend herself against a man, all the other men are against her!

  47. pinksocks says :

    Reblogged this on Pinksocks's Weblog and commented:
    I dont have anything to add here…

  48. whatsthat says :

    Yeah right. If Mumbai is so safe, why does it have >200 reported cases of rape? Why does Madhya Pradesh have the highest number of rapes over the least ten years? Please. This “cultural rape” of Delhi is just BS and is easily destroyed by even a superficial analysis.

  49. ashimat says :

    I was born and raised in Delhi and after living for 3 out of the 26 yrs of my existence i can say that I like Bangalore more than Delhi just for one reason. Reason is – ‘the people’!! Broad roads, beautiful architecture etc. are all secondary, we need ppl in the city to b the best!! Bangalore has been lucky in the sense that it has created employment for literate and educated ones, hence, it’s a better place. Of course there are uneducated ones in the city too. But i feel they have something peculiar about them. What’s better to see in a city when drunkards in the buses know how to behave? In my 3 yrs i have never seen a drunk man misbehaving or molesting someone (or it must b very very rare in Bangalore). It can surely be the awareness of being just a small little man and fear which stops them from doing something wrong and this is what is peculiar about them.
    I always feel astounded when i see a jerk on the roads of Delhi demonstrating just the opposite. Every fucking jerk is a KING here. And kings are arrogant. They are egoistic. A KING wants what he wants. A KING has to show someone that he’s potent (even when he’s a mere bus driver who hardly can run a family). And when the rest of the kings in the city taunt and shoo him away to show their potency, he looks for someone in front of whom he can prove he’s still a KING. This is when he goes back to his culture and past life which teaches him that someone will always remain inferior to you no matter what you do. This stupid fact is right there in his mind. The KING’s feeling and the definition of an inferior being cannot b exorcised from his mind in a very short time. This will be gradual and slow. An epiphany of being a little human being is what everyone in Delhi needs, things will get automatically alright then.

    • Abhishek says :

      Thank you Ashimat for highlighting Bangalore in a better light, I’m a Bangalorean too, So I think I can confidently say, Its not the fear of being a small man, but the constant remembrance of “Live and Let live” mantra which is very vital to survive in a big city. I agree with what you said about there being isolated incidents of molestation, rape or any such filth happening in my city as well, but thankfully, not everyone thinks that they can get away with it. And its because of the modesty and acceptance that is ingrained in us Bangaloreans. And partly because, if something like that happens in public, people around him only WILL make him regret his actions. I’ve seen the pace of growth and development of this city in front of my very own eyes and thankfully we’ve suceeded in retaining the basic decency of granting your fellow human being to live like an equal.

      • Sanchita says :

        Abishek & Ashimat, I’m from Bangalore too. Born and raised there. It is nice to extol the virtues of a city that you have lived in. But you are men. As a woman, I can assure you that molesting a woman has nothing to do with the city you are in. I, personally, have been a victim on a number of occasions in Bangalore itself. I know of other female friends who have been victims as well (also in Bangalore). As the author in the post states, it is only because we are women and they are men. Therefore, they are “better” than us.

    • Ani says :

      What amazingly ignorant narcicism – please stop congratulating yourself on your level of education and diverting all blame to those less fortunate than yourself. If you truly believe that the problem is only with poor people you need to remove your head from your anus. Get off your classist high horse and open your eyes to the fact that this problem spans all classes and men of all manner of means have this ‘King’ complex you speak of.

  50. Neha says :

    almost every incident mentioned in this blog is something that occurs till date. i moved out of delhi 2 years back. it took me two more years to walk alone confidently on a road knowing that i will not grabbed in any way. as i much as i love the city, i hate it for instilling this fear of being alone and helpless in me. i think almost all the women of delhi are psychologically affected by this. and not in a good way.

  51. anandkumarrs says :

    A very hard hitting one !!! Pls do read my post on this “Women Vs We Men” –

  52. mandayamr says :

    More than 30 years back I observed some of this groping behaviour as a youngster travelling on DTC. Felt helpless, ashamed and impotent in my ability to help. Used to imagine myself as being Garam Dharam or a Shatru or an Amitabh who could take on these goons, and send them to the hospital. Not that it helped. Got abused and laughed at on the few occasions that I tried to help out, be it objecting to a girl being eve teased or offering my seat to a girl/woman on the bus. The outburst now is not just from recent events…it is all the pent up frustration coming out. Dilli ke lecherous men…abhi bhi waqt hai..sambhal lo..nahi toh…

  53. avjain says :

    Reblogged this on avjain and commented:
    To MMS, after reading this would you say #TheekHai ?

  54. daddysan says :

    Folks, the Justice Verma committee is seeking suggestions for expediting and punishing rape cases. Please contribute. The contact details are in the article.

  55. chetan says :

    everything that you wrote is unfortunately experienced or witnessed by many of us in Delhi and the near by areas…….at present the accused should be given chemical tratment( this is my view point)…….

    i believe we as a society do not know the actual reason for these occurences, it is just the case that the statistics ar ea bit higher in delhi……may be if collectively we can introspect then a step by step solution can come out….
    obvioulsy we can not expect these cases to go in the thunder just by implementing certain laws in the wake of the hour, pratically it will take a lot of time……and we all should search for the steps that as a human being one should take…

  56. Himanshu Saraowgi says :

    A very well written article. But the city is not to be blamed as such. People don’t face this issue in other cities because other cities do not create that huge employment (Lab our class) option. Other cities like Bangalore are creating employment options for the educated classes like others. So the maximum influx of labor class is in Delhi or Mumbai where these people live away from families and have no body at home to teach look back at while doing a crime. The solution could be, like Mumbai, send back all these people..something The MNS did. But that again creates debates. Delhi is just welcoming people from all states as per the constitution and that what is creating the issue for them. So Delhi is paying for creating employment and maintaining constitutional right to settle in any part of India. Very few cases have come up in Delhi where a non immigrant has done such a crime. So please don’t blame the City…:) Its a home to many and home is always beautiful…

    • daddysan says :

      I urge you to read the instances of abuse mentioned in this post that cut across social classes. This has nothing to do with the attitudes of the “labor class” alone.

      • Himanshu Saraowgi says :

        I am not saying only the “Labor Class”… but if those incidents are removed, then it makes Delhi equivalent in such cases as any other city would be…now don’t tell me that these incidents are 0 in any other city. I am not against the post. Yes, it happens in Delhi, but lets get the reason why?? it cannot be a climatic factor that Delhi climate is making people Rape or a geographical factor that the location is rape friendly. This is the reason i felt that suits best. So i am not against your post, i am just trying to find a reason for, why Delhi!!!

        • Shru says :

          No, such incidents aren’t 0 in other cities.
          But I have to say this. I live in Mumbai and i feel safe travelling alone at 2am by rickshaw driven by the very same “labour class” that you blame for all the wrong doings in Delhi. Until the same can be said about Delhi, we need to realize that something is wrong.
          I have lived in Delhi as a teenager, and every word spoken by Daddysan’s wife resonates with me.
          While the climate or geography of a place have nothing to do with such acts, we need to remember that a city is only as noble as its people. When i say Delhi is unsafe, i mean the people of Delhi make me feel unsafe. Those I know are protective to the extent of being patronizing, and those I don’t know pose a constant threat to my well-being. And believe it or not, neither is acceptable to me.

        • Rasna says :

          Hi Himanshu, I m a woman living in Mumbai and have lived in Delhi as well.
          Wanted to clarify a couple of things in your comments. The Shiv Sena and MNS really make a lot of noise about issues – but lets be very clear – they havent sent anybody back from Mumbai – the city runs on the people of UP and Bihar – they are the workforce of the city. Mumbai is full of immigrants – but as compared to Delhi, Mumbai is far safer . There is no comparison on that front. Its a cultural difference – there is a difference in how children in the north are largely brought up to view women. Its about what they observe in their families and society. Its conditioning that leads men to think that women are their property and that they can do what they want. These things also happen in Mumbai however the proportions are far smaller.
          For Delhi, to blame it on the outsiders would be like holding the bull by its tail.

    • Roshan says :

      Your comment again goes to show that you haven’t understood the article. You were just reading it through the spectacle of your prejudice about migrants or ‘others’. When it is your uncle or your own family member groping, where is the question of migrants.

      Unless we realize we are the problem, and not self righteously point fingers at others, things won’t change.


    • pallavi says :

      Himanshu you aren’t a woman to know only poor/ illiterate in delhi do that. I worked in an IT company in noida, from the parking lot to the gate we were visually raped everyday from the drivers/ vendors as well as our own company employees standing out smoking a cigerette! I may have face 10 percent of harrasement/ stare from poor but 90 percent are literate class with wifes/ daughters very much at home. Blore is different not because of educated class, there are as many bihari engineers there as many biharis in bbay but because south india has historically been matricial society which asks a man to pay dowry! The north is this purely because the men think they are god’s gift to woman to protect them and be paid to take care of them.

    • Ranita Ray says :

      You are right Himanshu. From the neighboring states of Delhi migrants are pouring in. They merge in the sea of people. Their anonymity emboldens them, they feel that no one can catch them.Resulting in major crimes like murder, dacoity, rape and molestation. The govt must find ways to register their names and address of these new migrants. It will help bring crime down.

    • harishkvr007 says :

      So, do you mean that if there is a mass employment, these incidents are common and people should live with that and say ‘I love Delhi’? Even cities like Kolkata, Mumbai, Chennai and Hyderabad are creating mass employment for construction workers. And no political party or an organisation is kicking them out for being non locals. Compared to these cities, delhi is not providing any additional employment in any additional sector. Just check the facts. Its actually a shame and ironic that a capital city is being a rape city, without any measures of discipline and order in the government, cops and the people who are living in the city. And its time to realize and act on why these incidents are more common in the northern part of India, with delhi being the epicenter? And in these times, such replies like ‘dont blame delhi’ are comical and cynical. Realize yourself and make your city worth living before tkme runsout.

    • Abhishek says :

      Hi Himanshu, I think you are paranoic about something called as a “Labour Class”. Just because we are educated and work in an air-conditioned office does not give us right to sort others as labour class. It is this derogatory treatment of economically weak people that pushes them to their limits just to show others that they too, are capable of doing things. To Quote Ashimat’s Comment, “To show that they are KINGS. And kings are arrogant. They are egoistic. A KING wants what he wants. A KING has to show someone that he’s potent (even when he’s a mere bus driver who hardly can run a family). And when the rest of the kings in the city taunt and shoo him away to show their potency, he looks for someone in front of whom he can prove he’s still a KING. And when he finds a soft target, (Women being physically weaker to him,) He pounces upon them and exalts in the glory of Being that twisted King. IT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR CLASS, REGION, WAGES, OR BEING AWAY FROM THE FAMILY. Its his own Twisted intention to prove himself stronger than the opponent. PURE, UNADULTERATED ANIMAL INSTINCT.

  57. crashk says :

    Intense substance!

  58. Anjaan Rahgir says :

    intense and painful depiction of the agony that women have to face constantly…..

    Just had only a couple chances of short stay at Delhi…so don’t have much experience…

    But here I would share something from Ranchi where I did my studies as I have seen closely being a male myself…Its period of 1999-2006… it was a norm for the boys to eve-tease girls on road, pass inappropriate comments on them, chase them down the street….and it was considered bare minimum requirement to show ones machismo….If some boys does not fall in line with these bare minimum requirement he would be branded as impotent, chhakka….he would be looked down by his friends…ye ladki ki tarah behave karta hai and so on….

    Thereafter I had experience of living in Chennai and Mangalore….And let me share that things are better in down South and even in West…instances of eve-teasing are a rare occasion, if not absent….In Mangalore its very different again..girls are beautiful, well dressed, modern, frequent bars, discos and nobody (as it appears generally) bothers about it..but again something like Mangalore pub incident or home stay incident happens and shatters your faith in the city. but again mangalore more has religious issues than gender..sometimes its heady mix of both…..

  59. Srimati says :


    I’m a single Indian American female. Early this month I attended my cousin’s wedding reception in a rented hall in Narayanpur, a suburb of Kolkata. The situation required a plan for me to walk from a relative’s house two blocks away back to the reception hall, at about 9pm, well after dark, all dressed up.

    No one blinked an eye. None of my very affectionate relatives around were the least bit concerned about this. And of course, nothing untoward happened.

    On my previous visits to Delhi (a few days at a time) I had been warned only to travel in taxis with known taxi drivers. (On the other hand, on this last visit to Kolkata I was regularly catching taxis by myself on the street.) I hadn’t realized until the recent news the scale of what I was being protected from in Delhi.

  60. Rockat Singh says :

    A nice inside of the condition in the capital, or I must say the country. Along with this I would also like to share that My GF has also faced mild attempts of molestation or teasing but she never neglected them. Everytime any1 has tried to even initiate any misbehaving with her, she has retaliated with a strong voice and sometimes a strong slap and punch. And believe me, It has given her a great level of confidence and courage.

    If you are a woman, I think now is the time that you take matter in your own hands. Raise your voice, raise ur hands on these filthy creatures, I won’t call them men. Confront them, hit them if required. I know we are all a lot hesitant to place our first slap, but once you break that hesitation it would come naturally the next time. I know there could be many questions in your minds, what will be the consequences, will they retaliate and many more valid questions. But then this is not the way you should live. You have a right to live freely and fearlessly.

    What makes an impact is not the pain due to the slap but the unprecedented action not expected by the assholes. Its the element of surprise that seeds up the fear in him. And its your slap that might spark courage to the bystanders to also take a stand(unfortunately that’s reqd.).

    So dear sisters, save us from these filthy minded creeps, because if you are in danger then the whole human age is in danger.

  61. Dushyant says :

    Intense.. Fantastic. Thanks A.

  62. Harsh says :

    Delhi is a microcosm of India as a whole in many ways – I was told this in the days when I was a young student in Delhi, believing myself to be fortunate to study and live in the capital many years ago. I think they were right indeed. Whatever is going on in Delhi is not at all limited to its boundaries, though it makes it more noticeable and rightly so. The perpetual conditioning by an insensitive media and something that’s amiss in our cultural upbringing have created a crooked male psyche. Let’s not just trash the capital yet. It does nothing but put up a mirror before us as an indication of what’s going around the country as a whole.

  63. daddysan says :

    Folks, thank you so very much for sharing your experiences and your words of encouragement. There are many comments and it will take me a while to get through all of them so please bear with me.

    Thank you for sharing, please encourage others to do the same. It’s only through a clear understanding of what horrors hide behind the sanitized term “molestation” can men start to rethink their attitudes towards women.

  64. sohamchakraborty says :

    I feel ashamed to be a male after reading this. Yes, I come from a misogynist society, I come from a misogynist nation, I come from a misogynist country, I come from a misogynist horde. I feel ashamed to look at any woman after reading this. This article has led me to believe I am also a criminal because I have also looked at girls for inappropriate amount of time. We, men are worthless creatures.

  65. N Abhay says :

    Thank you for this open and accurate description. As a man I feel ashamed to read this and can only say sorry on behalf of my gender for what it puts women through.

  66. DELTA 1 says :

    Agonizing. And that’s an understatement. Do my brothers deserve death for what the subject women to? I’m more than ever inclined to say ‘Yes’, any last doubts removed after reason these thoughts. Me being ashamed of being a man and my helplessness to comprehend, feel or measure the hell women have to endure is devastating and yet I’m getting the easy way out. But the least I can do is teach my son to respect women no matter what and stand *with* them.
    Thank you for this humbling realization.

  67. Abhik Majumdar says :

    What you’ve said here is important, the way you have said it is just as necessary. Too often we treat rape and other crimes against women as purely legal and systemic issues; perhaps that’s because even men like me who (think they) are well-intentioned tend to be clueless about ground realities, about what it actually means to be a woman in a place like Delhi. This reality check is much needed. I am posting this on Facebook.

  68. Rupal says :

    Hang them / Castrate them. Fear is the only force that speaks to these men. Physically castrate them – Mard ki mardangi nikaal do. Message will be passed. Govt will have to risk sacrificing atleast one generation of rapists in compensation for many generations of women who have suffered. And may be 2 decades later the so called scholars can sit to debate to bring back the reformative laws for the rapists that they love so much.

    • JXF says :

      >> have to risk sacrificing atleast one generation of rapists in compensation
      >> for many generations of women who have suffered

      Indeed, that is such a small price to pay to be rid of this inhumanity.

      Society in general, and women in particular, will be much better off without them. Any man who thinks this is a proper way to behave to other human beings does not deserve a chance to reproduce and infect another generation of boys with this vicious and deliberately inculcated mental defect.

      I think public castration/penile amputation for (male) sexual abusers is deserved and would be a lot more effective deterrent than public hanging though. Once dead, these creatures won’t need to care that they had a penis. Deprive them of that which they think makes them so deserving of privilege and they will have to suffer for the rest of their miserable lives as a “less than”. As is well deserved, because that is what they are – less than fully human.

      Becoming fully human is a socialization / civilization process that involves learning and then believing that every other human being is deserving of respect and has intrinsic worth. That *should* happen before children hit puberty, because the maturation process is difficult enough without mixing raging hormones with raging, twisted beliefs. Those who prove they are incapable of becoming fully human by raping and abusing others don’t deserve to be treated like human beings. If males abuse again, with some proxy object instead of a penis – then execute them and do not allow them destroy or harm any of our precious and finite resources, not the least of which are women. If a sexual abuser is female, well, I think women need to design an equally fitting punishment for that – not for a male to decide.

  69. Debasish says :

    This is the third such article/blog I am reading about Delhi since the protests began but this is the most shocking if entirely true. It raises a number of questions in my mind to understand the whole issue a better. The most astonishing facts are:
    ** She has been groped or violated 5 times a day since she was 8. My question is – did her parents consider moving out of the city or did they have a constraint. I believe that lot of people I know would if the situation was that grave. Bongs certainly would and there are lots of bongs in Delhi/NCR.
    ** She has been groped by the domestic help, the boy who delivers grocery and by uncle – was she all by herself at home when this happened? If not, did she scream and what happened next? The reason why I am asking you that were these people not worried about the consequences of her raising an alarm?

    It would be also be beneficial to know where she lived and which crowded places has she encountered groping and molestation most frequently.

    I would like to share my own experience so that people have a balanced view and those considering moving to NCR do not panic (though they need to be on guard in the city).

    I have been living in Gurgaon (New Gurgaon to be precise) in an apartment for 6 years now. Though technically not a part of Delhi, it is considered to be “Delhi” is the common parlance. I have a 17 year old daughter. My daughter goes to school by school bus. We don’t go to Delhi very often but we have been to SN Market, Saket Malls and CP on a few occasions. We as a family have traveled by metro a few times. My daughter has gone to Delhi to participate in debates and other competitions a few times in the school bus but we have not traveled by buses except for a short ride once in South Delhi.

    19 years back, we lived in Delhi (Vasant Kunj) for 1 year. My wife was working in a company in Nehru Place and used to take a chartered bus to go there.

    We have heard a lot about eve teasing and stalking in Delhi but have been fortunate that neither my wife nor daughter has experienced the horror that we hear about from various people. In fact, i have been pushes around in the crowded Sarojini Nagar market on a Sunday afternoon, by LADIES.

    I also travel extensively by metro and have traveled on almost all the lines. I have taken more than 200 trips and again I have not noticed anything that have been mentioned above. True, there is a separate coach for ladies now but it was not there in the beginning. Even now, 10 to 15% of ladies travel in the general coach.

    Questions that come to my mind are:

    1. Is (New) Gurgaon different from Delhi?
    2. Which are the areas in Delhi that are more unsafe than others?
    3. Do most of these incidents happen while traveling by bus? And therefore, is there a class divide here?
    4. Does one have to go to college in Delhi to see most of what is mentioned here? (I know some of the colleges in South Campus have deserted roads leading to them that look quite scary).

    One problem that I find in Delhi is that people don’t walk and you don’t find people on the roads and lanes which leads to lot of places that are quite deserted even during day time. The extreme weather does it bit by keeping people indoors in winter evenings and day time in summer.

    The reason I have posted this is because there are lot of people from East and South who live in Gurgaon/Delhi and have settled here for good. Most of the people I know live in Gurgaon – though constantly on a watch due to all the horrible tales they keep hearing about Delhi, they don’t have personal experiences to share.

    • cynic says :

      Dear sir,

      Of all the instances of molestation,groping,leering etc etc that i have witnessed during my life in delhi, my father knows not even one. Reason : He is helpless just like me. Why should i burden him with the knowledge. I knew this even as a 13 year old. And most girls do

      I went to a girls school in delhi. In 8th standard a counselor came to meet us. She asked us to tell her if we had ever faced any harassment. Every single hand went up. This ,from a school counted amongst the best in the city

      So i am extremely sorry to burst your bubble. Women dont usually discuss how some pervert tried to finger them on the metro. Especially not with their fathers.

      Maybe its time for the fathers and brothers to know.

      • Debasish says :

        Dear Cynic,
        Having faced harassment a few times is one thing and being groped 5 TIMES a DAY EVERYDAY SINCE THE AGE of 8, as described in this article, is another. The difference in magnitude is enormous.

        After reading lot of posts and elsewhere, I am convinced about the eve teasing and even groping at some places in Delhi. I am only trying to learn more.

        My daughter does not go to a school in Delhi. She goes to a school in Gurgaon. That”s why my question – Is New Gurgaon, where we live, different from Delhi?

        My daughter is quite open with me as well as with my wife and I don’t think she will hide anything at least not from my wife. And my wife won’t hide anything from me.

        My daughter does not travel by metro – I do. And on my 200 odd trips, I have not seen any indecent behavior. In fact, most women we talk to find metro a safe mode of transportation (as opposed to buses).

        In another article, I read about how people in Delhi differentiate between sons and daughters. That is true, in general. However, again, a personal experience – when we went to IGIA to drop our daughter to participate in a competition overseas (it was an expensive trip), out of the 14 students who had come from various branches of their school in NCR, 9 were girls. I believe that lot of people today do not differentiate between them at all.

        I feel that some articles/blogs do talk about the right issues but some of them may be exaggerating to make it look very very sensational.

        • daddysan says :

          Debasish, I feel compelled to respond to your comment because I fear you’re taking some aspects of the post too literally. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I really appreciate it. You’ve brought up some valid points and asked searching questions, but the point of this post isn’t to act as a response to an RTI application.

          When my wife mentions “8 year old girl being molested five times a day” it’s obviously alluding to an experience she’s been privy to. One experience but equally horrific as any other that demeans and subjugates women. Similarly, she’s been specific in citing certain instances in great detail, like the one at Pragati Maidan but of course it doesn’t mean every seventy year old woman has had exactly the same experience. It’s an indicator of the utter lack of respect for women present in the city.

          When you mention “exaggerating the issue” I feel you’re searching for a scientific analysis of the exact number of incidents, their severity, the age of the perpetrator, the geographical area they hail from, relation to the victim, etc. Sadly, you’re never going to get these details here, or anywhere. The closest you can get is and please note all the information there are limited to “reported” cases only and thus, grossly under-represented.

          When you quote examples from your experience, and when you mention “most women we talk to find metro a safe mode of transportation” should I be wondering if you mean 68% of the women you spoke to? What were their socio-economic backgrounds? What had they done prior to boarding the metro? How old were they? If I pursued your line of questioning on this post, I’d be prevented from taking your statement at face value and instead searching for answers that miss the point by a fair margin.

          I hope I’ve managed to clear up some of your doubts about the post. And again, thanks for stopping by.

          • Debasish says :


            You have missed the point. When we talk about a serious issue like this, we need to
            1) Understand the issue better and help people be better prepared to face unwanted situations. Most of my questions are along those lines – Did you miss the questions like “Is there a class divide”?, “Is (New) Gurgaon different from Delhi?” These are the questions that I have and I do not have the answer. e.g. Most of the people who live in New Gurgaon are professionals (from all over India) – does this make New Gurgaon different from most places in Delhi? I don’t know.
            2) We present a balanced view and share different types of experiences – this is particularly important because in an emotionally charged environment, people may not always remain rational. Center of Disease Control ( in Atlanta had prepared a report on rapes and sexual harassment in the US. The report and the subsequent comments in prominent newspapers were very similar to what you see in this blog. However, anybody who has lived in the US (and I have) knows that there is another side also that was missing from the comments.

            You are very right about NCRB and I have done some analysis over the years. Unfortunately, media in our country (or perhaps everywhere) often presents a distorted picture that leads to erroneous beliefs. It is my experience that once the beliefs are formed, it is very difficult to change them and lot of people fail to acknowledge statistics and any rational argument that goes against their beliefs. Let me give a few examples of this:

            a) Most people believe that crime against women saw a spurt after Mamata Banerjee came to power. Notwithstanding her stupid statements and refusal to acknowledge particular instances of crime, few people know that West Bengal reports more rapes than any other state except Madhya Pradesh. Even while comparing rape per capita (the correct metric for comparing crime), West Bengal is ahead of most states and right behind Delhi.
            b) Times of India reported that Delhi accounts for 25% of all rapes in the country. This was picked up by a lady Shehla during her research and mentioned in a petition sent to lot of people in India through Awaaz that came up during Anna Hazare movement. If you look at the stats, you will know that Delhi accounted for 2.1% of all rapes in India (for 1.45% of the population). If the rapes are reported by media proportionately, for every rape you read about in Delhi, you would read about 49 rapes elsewhere in the country including 5 in West Bengal and 7 in Madhya Pradesh.
            c) People refuse to believe that no of rapes reported to police in the US (which has 1/4 of India’s population) are much higher than India (85,000 vs. 24,000).

            None of this is to say that Delhi is not more unsafe than other metros. I certainly believe it is. However, it is not that women are CONSTANTLY under threat EVERYWHERE. When I look at women working in my company or other companies in DLF Cyber City, they work hard as well as party had and enjoy life while being on the campus. Many of them use company cab and we have a rule that a woman employee will not be the first or he last to be picked up. Our company also provides home drop for women who have to stay late. I do believe that some of them may face challenges on the ‘last mile’ – if they have to walk through a deserted place after being dropped at the designated stop. The idea is to understand the ‘situations’ and ‘places’ that are prone to unpleasant situations.

            3) to discuss potential solutions to make the city a better and safer place for women. Some women have provided clues – a lot more has to be done by both men and women to make a positive impact on the society.

            • daddysan says :


              I’ll reiterate the point of the post – explain why Delhi gets a bad rap and why a realization of the heinousness of crimes is obscured by “civil” terms like “eve teasing” and “molestation”. No doubt there’s a need for nuanced analysis and a greater understanding of societal drivers of abuse. This isn’t why the post was written.

            • Rupal says :

              Dear Deabasis, No! there’s no class divide. The classification is more based on how exposed you are. If you are walking a street and using a public transport twice a day to get somewhere and back. You are exposed enough to be groped at (or) molested atleast once a day. But if you are taking a cab or car to work daily and work in a corporate (laws there are stricter – people can loose their job for misconduct) you are comparatively less exposed so it might occur less – Not never.

              This comes from my own experience and of ALL the women I know including my friends, sisters, cousins, teachers, colleagues and Mom. So women are pretty aware of what this blog talks about or where it “exaggerates”. The problem is definitely countrywide but Delhi authorities have been shamelessly showing a deaf ear to this issue for years and TODAY. Hence the uproar – All they have to do was make the punishment swifter and harsher. WHY is this difficult to do? WHAT do they fear it’ll lead to? These are the real questions.

            • cynic says :

              I am not completely familiar with “new” gurgaon as you put it. But as a delhi girl , my two month internship in gurgaon was actually more threatening. I lived close to M G road. I think the reason i felt more threatened was the total lack of street lights. And ofcourse there were more thekas than i could count.

              In terms of what i personally find scary
              1. roadsides which do not shops : i always feel threatened if i am walking on a road and there are no open shops etc anywhere close by
              2. unlit streets : very scary
              3. anywhere after 9, 10 or 11…it varies from area to area. Even the metro is intimidating at night…at about 10 the women coaches start becoming empty…the only sliver lining is that this is also the time that all the female guards deployed for checking at metro stations can also be seen boarding the metro back home…uniforms can make one feel a little better
              4. taking autos after 8 or so alone : in mumbai you never feel that fear but in delhi i have never hailed an auto after 8…

              These are just some situations off the top of my head. But there are NO guarantees. A girl could follow every last so called rule but still face a horrible situation.

              What can be done better? there can be two approaches to this
              one deals with law and better infrastructure – basically about the various ways to deter these things – again i believe these may help stop rape by strangers but “everyday” instances of harassment or rapes perpetrated in the woman’s own home by men who were known to her are unlikely to stop. Who will arrest a man for brushing too close and then blaming it on the crowd? even though chances are he intended it. And for staring and leering? which is a daily affair? And what about the many cases of marital rape which our govt doesnt even legally acknowledge

              The other deals with a societal change. my solution for that is this :

              I dont think that a man who has spend 20 something years objectifying women can be reformed. We can only do better with the next generation.

              I see these misogynist traits even in so called “decent” men. Belittling jokes about a woman’s intelligence or her shallowness are commonplace. If you want to make a difference, show one child the unfairness of the patriarchal system. Maybe you can save one more guy from becoming a rapist.

            • Po says :

              Dear Kind Man,

              I’m a 23 year old woman brought up with the privilege of an emancipated family, reasonable financial security and a better-than-most education.
              I have recently given up the naive expectation of not having to state this, hence I will:

              My body is my own, I am not anyone’s property to use or protect. NOBODY has the right to make me feel uncomfortable.
              This level of comfort may vary for different individuals and each and every perspective MUST be respected by ALL. What is unfortunate is that most ‘decent’ folk in our country have been trained to see some sort of levels in harassment. If they must exist, these levels ought to start from the basic violation of staring and build up, instead we have chosen to see rape as the basic and build down. I should not have to point out that staring, direct abusive language and unwanted, violating physical contact are not CIVIL, they are also harassment and as such never acceptable. What the women who happen to be your wife and daughter may not have experienced (thought highly unlikely, more likely is that they are better trained to brush off ‘small’ incidents) is physical abuse, but if you infer from this that they have not been treated with the kind of contempt or subjugation that the rest of us so ‘exaggerate’, you are sorely mistaken.

              I’m going to quote you back to yourself:

              “It is my experience that once the beliefs are formed, it is very difficult to change them and lot of people fail to acknowledge statistics and any rational argument that goes against their beliefs.”

              – The culture and ethos of the society we live in is, and has been, wholly and deeply PATRIARCHAL. Our (by which I mean EVERYONE: race, class, caste, sex, gender, sexuality, age and ability) very existence has been built around an underlying assumption of women as objects: precious, beautiful ones to be put on pedestals, inconsequential, functional ones to be humoured or filthy, despicable ones to be brutalised. WE ARE NOT OBJECTS. We ought not to deserve or have to expect any more ‘protection’ than anyone else.

              And to use your own words again:

              ” Many of them use company cab and we have a rule that a woman employee will not be the first or he last to be picked up. Our company also provides home drop for women who have to stay late.”

              – the outrage most of us feel, at least subconsciously, is at the NEED to have any rules specifically directed at when and how someone can travel. We want to LIVE equally, not just work and party as much as the bodies attached to penises.

              You say that the condition of women is mostly reported in bad light:

              can you not see that we should not EVER have to report that a kind of people are living, earning, partying? Can you not see the absurdity of your request? When a person is murdered and the crime reported, do you expect to see statistics of how many are not killed? When there is a genocide, does it really matter that there are other communities, that no one is trying to wipe out? Your attitude is more reminiscent of pacifying a child when she doesn’t win the high jump gold: ” but look darling, you’re so very beautiful, you can sing and dance…”
              did you see the sexism in that? i hope so…

            • cynic says :

              Thank you Po for the wonderful comment.
              I hope it helped some to catch a glimpse of what a woman’s life is.

            • Debasish says :

              Po has a valid point. Blame it on my background for patronizing – My thinking has still not evolved beyond the lower levels of Maslov’s hierarchy. I guess my children will grow up thinking differently – more like Po rather than me – that’s the process of evolution for a family whose ancestors lived in a mud house in a poor village just a generation back. But I will not talk about my scars which have probably shaped my thinking.

            • a traveller says :

              Since you asked, no, Gurgaon’s not all that different. I’ve lived in DLF (or New Gurgaon as you called it) since 1996, and spent a number of those years commuting from Gurgaon to Delhi for university. So I can compare the two, and no, it’s not all that different.

        • Seriously? says :

          And that right there is the reason why the problem doesn’t get solved. In the face of utter humiliation, severe subjugation & constant shaming of women on a daily basis – we have ourselves an educated lot who feel quite accomplished by pontificating on the statistical accuracy of these incidents.

          Sir, I’m quite sure that your daughter is quite lucky to have a dad like you. My dad was equally open, loving & protective of me – while always making me see that the world is only as bad as you want to believe it is. And yet, the number of incidents I & my friend circle have faced are quite frankly ridiculous.

          Here is the kicker. For every such incident, while our fathers stood right beside us – there really does come a point where your dear father is only as helpless as you are. And so you keep quiet. Besides, what is the point of speaking? Isn’t your insistence on statistical accuracy a mild form of slut shaming?

          “Oh you say this happens ? Most women I know feel safe” – meaning the woman choosing to speak up is a blatant liar & is probably seeking some sensationalism in her otherwise grope-rich life.

          I still don’t think men are evil. I only have to look as far as my dad & brother to know such generalizations are foolish.

          But I also don’t think your generalization of most women feeling safe is any smarter.

          The only objection I hold to this article & the responses from the community is that such incidents are not restricted to Delhi alone. Mumbai, bangalore, chennai, hyderabad – all places that i’ve lived in including Delhi – have similar incidents happening every day. Maybe delhi has a greater number of incidents – i don’t know – but the existence of these crimes is all over the country.

        • Kishore Asthana says :

          Debashish, Be careful of being lulled by your protective cocoon. Gurgaon – old and new – is as bad as Delhi, sometimes worse. I have worked with the Gurgaon police as a volunteer Security Observer and I know. Yes, educated people in the new colonies of Gurgaon such as DLF may have somewhat more enlightened views but, by and large, perceptions of women by men are not something we are proud of.

    • Amodini says :

      Forgive my cynicism, but do you actually live in Gurgaon? Or in Fantasyland? India is unsafe for women. Period. Molestation occurs where there are Indian men, Gurgaon, Delhi, Noida, Hyderabad, Bangalore . . . You can go on and on about how it’s not as bad in this area or this city, but it happens EVERYWHERE in India. There is no safe place, unless there is swift and harsh punishment for these animals.

      If your wife and daughter have actually not experienced any of this, then they are the only two who have escaped. Unbelievable, no?

  70. Ritu Tanwar says :

    Every word is hard hitting and true to the core. Men perhaps can never understand what’s its like being woman and struggling with some issue or the other at every step.
    Sharing this article on my wall

  71. Obuli Ramachandran says :

    No man knows what a woman goes thru everyday in her daily life. But unfortunately all our decision makers are men and till then we will get insensitive comments like “It’s woman’s mistake to go out in night”
    unless we form a committee of women to decide about punishment law we won’t get a convincing law for these heinous acts.

    • N Abhay says :

      Very true point you’ve made here. But a question comes to mind. Delhi has a woman CM. It has Sonia Gandhi. And SO MANY MANY other women politicians, NONE of who have taken a valuable and convincing stand against this issue (obviously because they’re so disconnected to ground realities as is obvious with their lack of proper responses even after so much protest). It seems the govt is in itself completely not only apethetic but sinisterly resistant to do anything about it. It takes just a few days for FDI and caste reservation bills to get passed but SEVEN years plus and they are still debating on rape laws? What the hell are they doing in the govt.?

      • Rupal says :

        There’s no coverage on the peaceful protest being made by the Delhi Women at India gate. Apparently there’s a gag order on the media BY THE GOVT. It seems govt is busy trying to suppress and fear that it might go viral. such a Shame! Govt spokesperson are appearing on TV now and then and showing empathy with the women of the country and informing that they are taking appropriate action. On the contrary they are unable to even call for a special parliamentary session – which is the need of the hour and the basic demand of the protesters. This govt has yet again proven its inefficiency in dealing with real issues of the country just like during anti-corruption movement. God Save them from the wrath of Indian Women

  72. Jonty (@jontymisra) says :

    I’ll be sharing this post on my Facebook and my blog. A spectacular read and I’m in complete agreement.

  73. payaljaggi says :

    growing up in delhi (college years) half my time was spent in planning to kill these bastards one by one.
    i never gathered the courage to retaliate because any incident of harrasement on public transport or on the road would leave me stunned for hours!
    i could not believe that a world like this exists, where men will only see u as an object of their mental/ physical gratification!
    today I hv the courage and i pledge that next time if a guy whistles or passes a remark at me or tries to violate my privacy, i will make sure he is not able to do it ever again to any woman!

  74. Divya says :

    Do Delhi men misbehave with their own mothers and sisters? If no, why not? They are women too (& they also have breasts). How come it’s okay to harass other women but NOT your own female relatives? Height of hypocrisy, no?

    The sex-ratio in this country is so horrible that (in less than hundred years from now) when will be no girls left in this country, I seriously wonder who Delhi men will rape.

    I blame parents for this pathetic culture. How many Indian parents actually teach their sons to respect a woman? Forget fathers, if mothers themselves (being women) do not teach their sons to respect a woman, then how can you expect a grown man to behave properly? In any case, most mothers don’t even want to get along with their own daughters-in-law. All the problems that women face are inter-linked to one another.

    • Anamika says :

      I completely agree. Boys should be taught to respect women from a young age., “‘Do Delhi men misbehave with their own mothers ‘and sisters? ”

      We could answer ‘YES’ in general regarding many Indian men.
      They misbehave taking the women in thier lives for granted:
      – expecting their mothers/wives to be a cook/ maid and provide food and neat home even when they are dead tired (same as the men) after work as the males sit in front of the TV and place orders.
      – not lending a hand in any house work as it would be ‘unmanly’ since household work is a ‘girl’s work’.
      – expect their sisters to polish thier shoes, be fearful and listen to any decision on their own lives to be taken by the ‘brother’.

      Bottom line is women should not be taken for granted and treated with respect and dignity and let there be a day when this becomes a norm and not something we need to fight for.

  75. dr agam bhatnagar says :

    There will be those who’ll say that such a generalisation is unjustified. That not all men are animals. Not every guy over your shoulder is a rapist. To them i say, shut the fuck up with the theoretical retort. For every man who sees his wife girlfriend mother sister walk out from their home for work lives in the fear of what you describe in the raw but unfortunately true manner.
    No, as men we’ll never know “exactly” what this means.. But as humans with a heart who hold their women sacred, we know its worth the fighting for…and that we will…oh that we will…

  76. sayan says :

    thanks..and apologies from a male who has lived for 6 years in this city. and loved it…really cant think of what else to say. only that i feel ashamed…

  77. Morpheus says :

    I moved out of Delhi to a new country. I recall slapping a man on the bus who was trying to grope me on the bus. I remember bursting tears and promising never to travel by public transport again.
    It’s taken a few years in a foreign country for me to get over panicking at sunset. For worrying about my ‘safety’ constantly.
    It’s a lame reason to stay away from friend and family but I never want to be a prisoner in Delhi again.
    Well written. I see no reason for changing policy. I see intense, disproportionate even, punishment as a solution. For a nation that prides its ‘mardangi’ and ‘reputation’ this is what needs to be attacked to make a start at ending this.

  78. Ankit gola says :

    I am really sorry

  79. Chitra says :

    The sexual harassment in Delhi not just a frequent happening. Its a culture, a daily activity. Every single time that I have been to Delhi and have dared to venture out of the safety of my house, I have been harassed. Its enough for me to realize that this is city where I will absolutely never live in.

  80. positivenihilist says :

    I am from Delhi. And I cant agree more, and yet I know, I know nothing. I am a man, and what the women of the city go through, is something no man can even begin to imagine. I am glad you wrote this article ma’am, because trust me – the flaw in morality is something that works on the micro-level. One small thought can change a man. And maybe – there is a guy out there who is a potential rapist and he reads this to realize – on a highly subconscious level that men dont rape, gutter rats do….and then maybe – he’ll become a real man. The disrespect and the fake display of unearned power, the moral decay, will stop.

    Much Respect.

  81. Niharika says :

    Disturbing but true …

  82. solutions and anger says :

    The need of the hour is strict control. Give the police two days. Sent the human rights people on a holiday. Put the media people away. And give the police full power to beat up and yes as harsh as this is to shoot anyone who molests kids, rapes women. The city will be clean.

    Speaking of a more realistic solution : regulation and stricter laws ASAP>

    Long term solution : we should become responsible parents and teach our kids what some parents did not teach theirs : respect women. Do not fuck them if you don’t want to marry them.

    • Damini says :

      For all your advocacy, you are a male chauvinist pig. Your last statement is a dead giveaway. No you cannot have sex with a woman, irrespective of your intentions to marry her or not, without her permission. Heck, you cannot even have non-consensual sex with a woman even if you are married to her (look up marital rape).

      It is men like you, cloaked violators, who are the bigger problem. You extend a hand of sympathy but only with bad intentions. So go fuck yourself!

    • MA says :

      ‘Do not fuck women?’ – is that what you do to your wife/lover?
      ‘Give police two days.’ are you smoking grass? Don’t you realise that the police already has the power to take charge and arrest men who like to ‘fuck’ what is not theirs (see again your need to objectify women). And finally, a tight slap across your face for not understanding that the people who have power (Police in this case) are also abusing it to rape women and call them ‘randi’ at every opportunity. Feel the rage and feel lucky that you aren’t accessible to all the women who read your post.

  83. weedheart says :

    Reblogged this on weedheart.

  84. Bharat Haladi says :

    She says it as it is. And every word rings true.

    Public physical castration, and then parading in cages naked in market-places for the general public to spit at would just about meet the bare requirements of treatment these violators of women deserve. Let’s start with Delhi, and then the rest of the country !

  85. Nishant Choudhary says :

    Yes ! that’s exactly what they are protesting for.
    More than policy reform men in Delhi needs moral reform.

  86. Priyatham says :

    It’s high time ladies start carrying a high voltage Taser gun at all times, when situations like these are so rampant in the society.

  87. Kirti says :

    With due respect, I would like to ask that do you mean to say that if I switch my city, Delhi that is, I would no longer been seen as an object worth a pleasure by the monsters with a penis? You have taken great pleasure in writing this article, and elaborated the pain with quite a vivid picture. That makes you a good writer. But it speaks of your thinking which is not very great. Does rape not happen in Pune? Rape, my friend, is not bound by city. It is bound by mentality. And if writers like you are going to show it as a problem of a city and not of society as a whole, we have nothing left but to meet our own peril. and FYI, I visited Pune once, I have been eve teased their as well, yes!!

    • Chitra says :

      I think you have misunderstood the author. It is absolutely true that rape is a wide spread problem. What she is talking about is the incredible intensity with which it occurs in Delhi. I currently live in Bangalore and I can assure you that I feel much safer here at night than I do in broad daylight in Delhi. Its a stark difference of culture and in that, Delhi sucks. Rapes are happening in every city but in Delhi, its become a way of life. I quote the author :

      “There are some well-reasoned arguments why we shouldn’t trivialize the larger issues surrounding rape by laying blame at the doorstep of one city alone, but there’s a reason for this insidious association; it breeds and lives on the fear that power creates. Let’s just call Delhi the capital of subjugation. I also need to mention that I’ve never felt this CONSTANTLY afraid in any other city in India. You can quote examples of rapes in Mumbai, Kolkata, or other cities and you’d have a point. This pathetic patriarchal culture pervades India, but there’s no other place quite like Delhi where patriarchy and power mingle to create a sense of male entitlement.”

    • Divya Sharma (@rarewitch) says :

      I’ve been eve teased once at Chandigarh – and a passerby intervened and saw me home to safety. I’ve been eve-teased once at Mumbai – and the crowd around me practically lynched the culprit and asked my forgiveness on behalf of their city. I’ve been eve-teased on public roads numerous times at Delhi – and despite screaming for help, people around have done nothing. Yes, rape and eve-teasing are not the exclusive bastion of Delhi only – but in no other city that I’ve lived in, have I seen or experienced a literal culture of fear and general apathy like I have in Delhi.

      • Yashprabha Binjola says :

        this is what differentiates delhi and other metros. it’s still a village frankly. a woman out at night/day/evening/afternoon must be ‘asking for it’. and the police force comes from the same society so what else to expect!

  88. Anupama Lulla says :

    Absolutely! This reflects every woman’s viewpoint… we all stay slient because there is no one to change the society. Our gaurdians – the government is full of criminals, who do we look to for justice?

  89. Pranab says :

    Very well written. Having newly moved to Delhi, I am yet to experience all of the bitterness and inhuman acts that you speak of, but even I, being a male and all that, have noticed the chauvinism in the outlook of the people in general. We really do need legislators with backbone who, instead of ordering tear gassing of protest rallies, would come out with a cracking piece of legal censure on such beastly activities…

  90. Just another girl says :

    Triggered something inside me. Thanks a lot for sharing something that touched and responded. The below written artile is a result of this powerful writing by you.

  91. bhumi says :

    This article is worth reading. Put it somewhere so that number of more and more people can read it. Good job.

  92. Anil Kumar says :

    This is not True. This can’t be True. Or is it ?????. Unbelievable !!!. I am from Hyderabad, and have been to quite a few cities in the south, but haven’t seen any thing of this kind or Magnitude. Surely, Delhi is the rape capital of India.

    • Chitra says :

      I vouch for the truth of this article. I have not seen such shamelessly greedy eyes anywhere else in the entire country.

      • Anil Kumar says :

        It is really sad to know that. When i jus come to think of it, looking at a girl for that extra second, i am guilty too. We guys always thought it was harmless fun. I really feel apologetic after reading this article.

        • Amodini says :

          Ah! All these innocent men, not knowing it happens in their city. I’ve lived in Hyderabad, and it is just as bad as Delhi!

          • Anil Kumar says :

            R u sure ? I have been using public transport since 15 yrs. I have many friends who are girls. I have heard of people stalking, but never of molesting or rapes in buses. Would really like to know if its otherwise.

            • amodini says :

              Pls ask yr female friends how safe they feel on Hyd streets and buses, and not just w.r.t being raped, but being otherwise sexually molested. Rapes in buses are not the only examples of molestation. Stalking you’ve heard of, but women are leered at, commented-on, felt-up, groped, pushed and prodded walking on the street, busses or in autos. In Hyd.

              As an aside, I am incredulous when faced with men who seem not to realize that this is happening. Do you really not see the leering, the lewd song-singing, or do you think that’s harmless, boys-being-boys? maybe that’s part of the problem – indicating the need to educate people on why such molestation is wrong, and not just some harmless male rite of passage.

  93. choconutmeg says :

    As I read your wife’s description of what it’s like growing up in Delhi I kept nodding vehemently and saying ‘yes, exactly’ aloud. Right up to the last two paragraphs; towards the end I found I had to disagree with her. While I understand the anger she is expressing there, I don’t feel that sort of visceral anger at specific culprits, nor does talk of long-term reform of our society, institutions and attitudes exasperate me; talk of committees from politicians does though.

    But yes, the experience of being treated as a constant, unwilling sexual object in Delhi, rather than an individual has had long-lasting effects on my identity, my sense of security, my sexuality and even my relationships with men.

  94. Phaneendra says :

    Awesome! Kudos to your wife sir.

  95. Souvik Dey says :

    You forgot to mention that if some girl is talking to a guy nicely, she must be into him. And if she dresses up in anything remotely revealing, she is a slut! And raping such a slut is social service. Goin out at night at 12am? Must be a slut too! Its in-fuckin-sane that some people still think that going out with boys and at night makes a girl a slut/whore. And these people sit right next to you in the Office.

    I am sorry. I am a MALE. I know I have no right to comment.

    • yes its me. says :

      funny are the ways in which the male mentality works. and yes you have raised a valid point. I used to try and be nice and talk to people, but then a few months into college and I realized that was not healthy, people were saying bad things about me. And i was like what the hell did i even do?

      • Anil Kumar says :

        There are not many guys out there who are so matured. A girl’s sweet talk is most likely taken in a diff way. As much as the blame is on the guys, a no-nonsense approach of the girls would help too.

        • Anjali says :

          Ohh.. then a girl should not talk, smile & laugh with a guy for the chance that it might give them a free license to scan her naked thru clothes & strip her dignity & objectify her..

          • Anil Kumar says :

            We are trying to find solutions here. There are some things which are not in our control and just cribbing abt them doesn’t help. The best we can do is to observe a certain level of discretion regd who we talk to freely. It applies to both the genders. If we know that someone is a jerk, y bother talking ?

            • Owen Godfrey says :

              Anil Kumar, we bother because it creates change. These things are not in our direct control, but indirectly these things are not only in our control, but are responsibility. Women need to know they are supported, so they will fear less and be more likely to stand up to an attacker. Men need to know that there is a price for this behaviour, and that society will not accept it. The authorities need to know it is not acceptable.

              In addition, I have decided that I advocate castration. This is not in punishment or revenge, but simply a practical statement. Most of these cases stem from a gender identity that a male is dominant and that a male should dominate, thus what better way to make the statement that it not acceptable than to render said male no-longer-male?

              In some of the worst cases I have heard of another woman was involved. Face this fact; that some women in India also share the same attitudes, although I have no idea how many. How can this be? I have no idea.

        • Owen Godfrey says :

          You cannot say that “a no-nonsense approach of the girls would help too”. It doesn’t matter if it is true or not, by saying it you are implying that it is permissible to rape a flirty woman. I say this; it should be possible for an attractive vulnerable woman to walk naked through the worst streets at midnight, and no person will act against her or even comment in any way.

          I once saw very drunk young lady at a night club who got up on the stage and stripped naked. When she got down off the stage, a wide circle opened around her. She was ignored. She then cried in shame as she pulled her dress back on, but still no man would go near her. That included myself. The reason that I did not, although my heart was breaking for her, was that it would seem to every person that I was trying to take advantage of her.

          While my society is not perfect, and bad things do happen, the fact is that in reflection I felt proud that nobody wanted to be seen as trying to take advantage of a drunk woman … but also ashamed that not even I was willing to give her comfort.

          • sanskriti says :

            i totally agree
            this is wat i have been talking to my frnd
            even if any girl is walking naked u r no one to take advantage of the situation
            cause if u r provoked by this i should say that ur stupidity provokes me to break ur head ………….
            the superiority agenda of being a male dosen’t give u any fuckin right to molest a girl
            i simply don’t understand wen these filthy people r asked why dey did it, they say it was for dere amusement
            how can simply any one can turn so inhumane that before doing such a act dey don’t even think
            i mean amusement wat rubbish
            and the punishment shoud’nt be a death sentence beacuse wat dey made the girl suffered is worst than death
            so dere punishment should be
            cutting dere genitals turnig dem into unuhcks………….

          • Anil Kumar says :

            Owen, i totally agree that a very harsh punishment will act as a deterrent. I am all for women’s freedom and safety. There are some cultural issues in India. We, as a society are different, else there wudn’t be a problem in the first place. But we need to be realistic. Change takes time. Till then, we can find our own ways to tackle this problem.

            • Owen Godfrey says :

              When I chose my words, I was trying not to single out India. India is currently the focus of this issue, but that just gives it voice. The issue is one for the entire human race to consider. I would like to dream that the is somewhere on earth that is perfect, but it isn’t so. I suspect that there are still many places that have a worse problem than in India. I appologise if I seemed to be condemning India in general. It remains true however that there does exist a problem there. I would advocate sterilisation as a punishment for sexual assault in any country where machosism promotes an attitude where men dominate women by the simple fact of their gender, which probably means all countries. The reason is because the punishment must address the source of the problem, and these men should know that if they bring harm or disrespect to women, then they are not men at all. My words are based not on anger but on simple pragmatism; attitudes are stronger than laws.

  96. vmanisha says :

    Bang on..when I see so many protesters I tend to ask just this , the moment you get down on Delhi know its Delhi because at least five groping hands have already groped you even before you get down the three steps of the train.

  97. Greeshma (@opsimath6) says :

    Reminds me of an episode.This was 8yrs ago. My husband an Army doc was shipping out to Congo for a year on a UN mission(On an aside, DRC like Delhi is called the rape capital -of the world!),I myself was serving in the Kashmir Valley then .I got 5 days leave to go meet my husband before flying to Leh to join my company there.It was peak winters in the state, Jawahar tunnel was shut, The army chartered flights had not taken off for a week, Some how i managed to get a seat on the Fauji IL flight ,but it was late when we landed in Chandigarh and finally reached Ambala, took a shared taxi with my fellow officers and travellers to Delhi.

    My drop point was ISBT Kashmerigate . When I got down there it was 2 in the night,I called up my MIL and a cousin of hubby was sent to pick me up. As we were under instructions not to travel in uniform, I had reversed my Bulky Camo jacket with the officer’s rank,had removed my jap cap and put on a black balaclava with my Chignon tucked in. Even though not deliberate guess that made my breastless(in a city where to quote you” If you have breasts, you’re fair game”) and “parkati” to quote one of our extremely gendersensitive leader and thus had all signs of ‘femininity’ removed from me(also i am fairly tall for an Indian woman)This policeman at the ISBT Kashmiri gate on seeing me standing a bit ahead of my luggage remarked “fauji bhai apna samaan sambho” and made a few observations on the lines of “pagdi apni sambhaliyega Mir aur basti nahin dilli he”, I just nodded and stood near my luggage,after a while i made some remark and the policeman made a comical face and he was like “aap toh ladeej hein” :D,by that time my ride arrrived and I left. Yup its easier “being” a guy ,particularly one with d supposed “trappings of power and authority” in Delhi!!!

  98. Priya Sreeram (@priyasreeram) says :

    hats off to your wife for putting words to the thoughts of each and every girl. I hope we the society bring a change and for that to happen we must be the change. It’s time we also look in to how we bring up our kids especially boys. India Shining – the visceral cry of the government needs to be actually made possible ! Thanks again

    • Dave panda says :

      Dave : This message must be delivered to each & every women of this country.I am guy and i too have done with the eve teas.When i am putting myself on the place of that 23 yr old girl.We know that we are selfish in nature and we only care about all our own family.But please put your mother,sister daughter on the place of the 23 yr lady and just think about 2/3 secs. Beyond of your imagination.I am sure you cant even think about it.Just think.

  99. anikaverma says :

    HELL YES! What peaceful protests do you want dear government? You have no clue how it feels like to walk on the road alone even in broad daylight and always watching your step. Because there is always that pervert walking behind or next to you who would pretend to stumble and graze your arm, breast, waist, hips, hair “by mistake” and you can’t do shit about it. I know that feeling, all women in this city know it. That is why we protest. All our feelings are rightly expressed here. GROSS is the word!

    • Rupal says :

      haaa haa :-) Was watching the protesters on Sunday. A CNN reporter happened to ask one of them – If Rahul Gandhi came to address ya all.. will you be able to ensure his safety. The youth burst out laughing and said. We are waiting for someone from the govt to come and ensure us the safety for our women of the country. Wat kind of a question is this? I really hope thats not wat is running through the minds of our “Leaders”.

  100. XXXMAS (@aaliznat) says :

    I have spent 28 years of my life in Delhi and I will only say this. I don’t feel this rage. I am a girl who travelled alone everyday in DTC buses to go to college in north campus and would travel at all odd times of the day and night. yes, incidents happen. men who would try to stand too close to me would get a shove in their ribs. i would hold their collar and slap them in the bus. i have beaten up a man on the street too. I took charge of my life and always knew that i would not let anyone treat me any differently just because they think a women is to be treated in a different way. and here is what i realised. the incidents started reducing, why? not because men stopped groping women less but because i walked with an air of authority and confidence in myself which was visible. i once slapped and kicked a man in the balls for being rude to me and calling me dirty names. i took him to the police. i called the crowd who watched impotent and i sat in the police station for 4 hours till an FIR was registered. why did i go to so much trouble? because the next time that man thinks of calling a woman a dirty name he would remember how shamed his family looked when they came to the police station. he would know that he CANNOT humiliate a woman without the same kind of humiliation that he hoped to inflict, be inflicted upon him too. what is my point here? simply that all you need is the knowledge that you can retaliate, you have the power. and that it will make a difference to how you view the city as well.

    • Rockat Singh says :

      The best treatment for these bastards.

    • jaggmohit says :

      Well done, I want to applaud for you.

      This is exactly how these idiots should be dealt with. Everyone in India should follow suite. There is no other way to ensure our own safety, but by doing it ourselves.

      The government is no different than the cowardice crowd that refused to help, when the girl was pleading (mentioned by someone in an earlier comment). We blame the government for not doing anything, when we would not-do anything ourselves too, if we were in their position. Those elected are no different than, who they represent.

      When all girls in India follow your lead, acts like the Gang-rape incident will never happen again, as men will be forced to change their attitude. They will stop treating women like objects, property that they can own/destroy/play with.

      • tanzilaanis says :

        “Those elected are no different than, who they represent.” sad though this may be, but it is true. and i do believe that if you display the courage to know that you are as good or better than the man who is trying to humiliate you, because sexual violence on most level is about ‘showing you your place’ and ‘humiliation’ then the perpetrator will think twice. women tell me that they don’t feel this courageous. why not? because you have always been told you are weak. stop believing people who say that. fight with them. just do this once.

    • Sanjay says :

      I admire your courage to retaliate on those who misbehaved with you .

    • "A responsible Indian Male" says :

      ‘Welldone nd kep the spirit buddy…….disorented nd demoralised males should be treated this way………..”

  101. Kavs (@thediva_1) says :

    WOW I’m in utter shock after reading this article. I’d say I’m very lucky, growing up by DC and never having any such situation arise. I don’t think there has been even ONE incident where my being a woman has been a threat to any aspect of my life EVER! I mourn for all those woman that have to undergo such torture. I can never, even in my wildest dreams, imagine being treated like this.
    And thank you for writing this piece! To be honest, seeing the people showing up, protesting in such force, gives me hope too. But then, I remember, that no protest will change the culture. No law will make these men decent. No rule will make these men ashamed of their actions.That one story about the beggar, with not a penny to his name, making those gestures left me numb.

    This has been instilled too deeply into society, I’m afraid it may take generations and generations to make progress on this.

  102. siva (@lullzin) says :

    thanks for sharing this sir

  103. nipath says :

    Reblogged this on The Radical Guy's Ephemeris… and commented:
    This is what the protest is all about..Shame on them..

  104. Naina (@Naina) says :

    Wow. Well said. Sorry I can’t add a more coherent comment than that. I’ve read literally everything on this and this right here – above – is what I “feel” too.

  105. Dushyant Wadivkar says :

    wow. very powerful. Goes without saying that I am in complete agreement A, but then again, how would that matter.

  106. Vahishta says :

    Wow. Very powerful. I can’t imagine what it must be like living under a shadow like that.

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