(A ping by @shenoyn on Twitter reminded me of this note I’d written last year on my old blog. Given a personal resurgence in all things punny, I felt like putting this up again)
When wifey sent me this email about the Washington Post’s MENSA Invitational, I just had to put it up as soon as I read it. It also caused much mirth and eyebrow-raising in the office elevator today because I couldn’t control myself upon reading the definition of “Pokemon”.
Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with..
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late..
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.